Tuesday, July 26, 2011

One Scholars Opinion on Disciplining with Hitting By: Grandma Jeddah


Anas Ibn Maalik said, “I served the Prophet (SAW) for ten years, and he never hit me, insulted me, or frowned in my face.” (Muslim)
What’s all this talk about raising your child without hitting?  This is not our way, you might say.  After all, there is a hadith that says at age 10 if your child doesn’t pray then hit him.1  And there‘s another hadith reported by Ibn Abaas that says to hang your belt where the members of the household can see it, for that will discipline them.2
            But have you heard about the position some of the well known scholars and educators have taken on the position of hitting kids, in light of the above ahaadith?  To find the answers, you might have to dig deep and search hard for the understanding.
The information that is profusely presented to most parents is that you should hit your child for misbehavior or you’ll spoil and ruin him. This is how most of us were probably raised. But is there a basis for this concept in Islam?  Is it based upon The Quran, sunnah or the ways of the Sahaba?  Or, is it simply a cultural habit that has been passed down from generation to generation among both Muslims and non-Muslims alike.
Some scholars, such as Sheikh Albaani (ra), have said that it is completely forbidden to hit your children if they are under the age of 10 or haven’t reached puberty.  During one of the Sheikh’s lectures a listener asked the following question about hitting:
“. . . regarding hitting, sometimes you find students leave their houses and have no manners, even good advice does not benefit them, so does hitting them fall into necessity?”
Sheikh Albaani (ra) replied, “There is no necessity.  Where is the necessity here?  Can you comprehend that hitting would benefit when the One who created him said, do not hit him until he reaches the age of seven [ten]?”
Sheikh Albaani (ra) then continued, “There is no hitting, no hitting at all.  Rather there is directing, advising and speech.  Sometimes words have a greater [e]affect on people than hitting.  In addition, hitting with some people does not help at all; rather it makes them continue on what they’re upon more and more.  What is important is that the best of all guidance is the guidance of Muhammad; may peace and blessings be upon Him. Thus, the child is not to be hit so long that he did not reach the age of puberty.3
The people of knowledge that are of the opinion that hitting children is allowed specify certain conditions. For the hitting:

Ø  It Must be used as a last resort
Ø  It Must  be gentle without leaving marks or cause pain
Ø  It Must not be in the face4

Whichever opinion you choose to accept—hitting or no hitting-- know that disciplining without harshness  will not only result in more positive behavior, ( just try it and see)  it will also help lower your own adrenaline level which helps make you a  more composed mother during the discipline process. A win-win situation all around.
It is reported that the Prophet (saw) said “O Ayisha! There is nothing that has gentleness in it except that it beautifies it, and it is not taken away from anything except that it defiles it. (Muslim)


http://www.saudigazette.com.sa/index.cfm?method=home.regcon&contentID=2009012828000


This is an excerpt from Grandma Jeddah’s e-Book: Discipline without Disrespecting: Discover the Hidden Secrets of How to Effectively Discipline Your Muslim Child—And Keep Your Peace of Mind While at It.  To order her e-Book or receive her free newsletter, visit her at http://www.grandmajeddah.com/

Your comments are welcomed.
_______________________________________________________________


Look for Grandma Jeddah's NEW e-Book, 
 Discipline without Disrespecting: Quick Tip Guide Coming soon, insha'Allah!
Make your search for helpful discipline tips quicker and easier.



WIN Grandma Jeddah's NEW e-Book. . .
Participate in the 2011 RAMADAN  PARENTING CONTEST. 


For more details visit http://www.grandmajeddah.com/ Welcome page

No comments:

Post a Comment

Assalamu Alaikum,
We welcome your comments about this post. Please tell us what you think about it, and do add to it if you can. Jazakalakhair.