Friday, July 19, 2013

Cooperating with Children

                                                 Cooperating with Children
                                                      by Grandma Jeddah
Narrated Anas: Make things easy for the people, and do not make it difficult for them, and make them calm with glad tidings, and do not make people adverse. (Bukhari, Muslim)
It is part of the mercy of Allah that you deal gently with them. If you were severe or hardhearted, they would have broken away from you . . .  (Quran 3: 159)

Your child is more willing to cooperate with you even when it’s against his wishes when you two have a respectful, understanding and cooperative relationship.  In Dr. Michael Poplin’s book Taming the Spirited Child he mentions that in one of his counseling sessions with an older teenager, he had to explain to the young man that he knew how difficult it was for the young man to do what he knows is right when that action is the same as what his parents wanted him to do. This aversion to obeying parents when hurt by them can be very strong in children. Knowing this can help direct parents in managing their child's behavior.  Instead of venting your anger through vicious strikes and belligerent tirades, remain calm and civil when correcting your child.  Some parents believe that a hard approach such as forcing their child into submission will achieve their goal. But often the opposite is true.  Force builds aversion which breaks down reception of information as well as communication.  It also leads to resistance that can lead to conflict.  Whenever possible, parents should make things easy for their children. When your child is content with you, he is more inclined to be content with the religion you have raised him with.

Grandma Jeddah is the mother of 11 children and 13 grandchildren. She has taught hundreds of students for over 30 years at an Islamic school in Los Angeles, California.This is an excerpt from her book, Discipline without Disrespecting: Discover the Hidden Secrets of How to Effectively Discipline Your Muslim Child--And Keep Your Peace of Mind while at It.  Subscribe to her free newsletter at --

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Assalamu Alaikum,
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