Thursday, December 12, 2013

Focus on Strengths

                                      Focus on Strengths
                                                     By Grandma Jeddah

Focus on your child’s abilities rather than weaknesses. Children who are constantly bombarded with corrections, complaints, and criticism develop hostilities that can result in combative, defensive, and resistant behaviors.  If you frequently hear these phrases from your child, she may be defensive:
“I don’t care.”
“I’m bored.”
“So what?”
“Leave me alone.”

            Take mental note or written notes of what your child enjoys doing and is capable of doing.  When you see her involved in these activities, compliment her endeavors.  Compliments boost her self esteem which gives her the desire to cooperate. When praising, don’t ruin it by following up with a negative.  “I see you’re texting your friends.  You seem to like text messaging.  You spelled school wrong it’s s-c-h . . . .” Leave a compliment a compliment. Also, be sure to involve your child in activities where she can succeed.  Find activities that she enjoys that aren’t competitive.  Someone else‘s winning is at the cost of your child losing . . . often repeatedly.  Your child might be heard saying, “I never win.”  The fact is, she’s probably correct.  This can cause her to begin to doubt herself and her abilities.  This is why it’s a good idea to get her engaged in non-competitive activities.  Examples of such interests can be shooting hoops free style,  hiking, fishing,  bird watching, rock collecting, shell collecting, swimming, scrapbook making,  roller skating, ice skating, assembling puzzles, beading jewelry, creating crafts, sewing, gardening, T-shirt printing, T-shirt tie dying, designing tissue paper flowers and much more.  You can look up crafts and hobbies on-line or visit the library for books to check out.

Grandma Jeddah is the mother of 11 children and 13 grandchildren. She has taught hundreds of students for over 30 years at an Islamic school in Los Angeles, California.This is an excerpt from her book, Discipline without Disrespecting: Discover the Hidden Secrets of How to Effectively Discipline Your Muslim Child--And Keep Your Peace of Mind while at It.  Subscribe to her free newsletter at --

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