5 Ways to Show Your Love with Your Time
By
Grandma Jeddah
It is
related that the Prophet (saw) said:"All of you are shepherds, and each
one is responsible for his flock. A leader is a shepherd and he is
responsible for those in his care. A man is a shepherd over his family, and he
is responsible for his flock. A woman is like a shepherd over her husband's
house and children, and she is responsible for them. And a slave is a guardian
of his master's property and is responsible for it. So all of you are guardians
and are responsible for your charges." Al- Bukhari and Muslim.
We don’t often experience the sight
of shepherds guiding their sheep across a meadow to graze. But anyone who has
seen the image of a young man with staff in hand and a flock of sheep trailing
behind can attest to the fact that the proper maintenance of one’s flock
necessities the spending of time.
Spending productive time with our
children is essential to raising them up properly. Here are five tips on how
mothers can be more productive when spending time with their kids.
1. Talk to your child. Mothers have
a myriad of responsibilities to perform throughout the day. We prepare meals,
wash and fold laundry, clean the house, transport to and from school, and the
list goes on and on. During some of these activities, however, we have the
opportunity to do a bit of multi-tasking and connect with our kids.
The next time you pick up your daughter from
school and commute back home, ask her about how her day went in school, who her
best friends are, or who her favorite teacher is. Back at home while folding
the clothes or putting the dishes away, discuss with your young one what you
accomplished during the day and what still remains to be done.
Make it a point to be accessible to
your child when she approaches you with a concern that she has. Of course,
during your daily routine of chores and errands, you won’t always be able or
willing to provide your child with attentive conversation. Do the best you can.
And do make a conscious effort to meet your child eye to eye to show your
interest.
When your child approaches you during the day to tell
you about something important that’s on her mind, use that as an opportunity to
carry the conversation further and instill some of your values . . . or, to simply
lend an affectionate ear.
2. Listen to your child. Take the
time to sincerely listen to your child express her complaints, concerns, and
happy moments. This helps build a needed bond between you and your young one. Children
need to feel they have a significant other who is concerned about their needs,
wants and problems. Showing concern for
your child’s emotional state helps her develop healthy social skills for
interacting with others around her.
3. Take your child on outings.
Spending time with your child away from home needn’t require much planning,
time or money. The places to take her are endless: Take her on a short
excursion with you to the mail box at the street corner to deliver a letter.
This will help her develop a greater understanding of the postal process—but more
importantly, it will show that you enjoy her company. Let her join you on your
trip to the gas station to pump gas in the car. Take her along with you to go
shopping for groceries. Discover new things at the museum. Enjoy a walk to the
park or playtime at the playground. Take a stroll through the mall. You are your child’s center of attention; let
your little one know you desire being around her, as well.
4. Discipline respectfully and kindly.
When you correct your child for misbehavior, be gentle in doing so. It is
reported that The Prophet (saw) said, "O Ayisha! There is nothing that has
gentleness in it except that it beautifies it, and it is not taken away from
anything except that it defiles it. (Muslim). Often times, a gentle approach of explaining
to your child her error is sufficient. Better yet, reward her for the times she
behaves appropriately. When she
remembers to take her bath without a reminder, let her know you are pleased by
giving her a special hug or kiss. When she shares with her younger sibling,
tell her Allah likes that type of behavior and let her have extra time on the
computer before bedtime. Your daughter will learn that even though she isn’t
perfect, she does have positive aspects about her behavior. This feeling of
accomplishment will spur further appropriate conduct in the future, insha’Allah.
5. Be patient with your child. Allah
says in Quran, "And verily, whosoever shows patience and forgives,
that would truly be from the things recommended by Allah.'' (42:43)
Remaining patient with your child’s
short comings is an honorable act that you should strive to make a habit of.
When you refrain from saying hurtful words and avoid lashing out angrily when
your child misbehaves, you present a living example for your child to model
after. One of the primary ways we teach our children is through example. When
they observe how we handle difficult situations, they learn how they should
handle them, too.
All of these tips on how to spend
productive time with your child necessitate being there for them. Quality time
is important, but quantity time is as well. Being
a shepherd is an enormous responsibility. Make a conscious effort to spend
productive time with your child regularly. On the Day of Judgment we will be
asked about how we spent our time. Spending it productively on our children is
a valuable way to get blessings from Allah, insha’Allah, and a wonderful way to
maintain our flock.
Grandma Jeddah is the mother of 11 children and 16 grandchildren. She has taught hundreds of students for over 30 years at an Islamic school in Los Angeles, California. She has written dozens of parenting articles for Muslim magazines, newspapers and blogs. She is the author of, Discipline without Disrespecting: Discover the Hidden Secrets of How to Effectively Discipline Your Muslim Child--And Keep Your Peace of Mind while at It. Buy her e-book now at: http://www.grandmajeddah.com/
