Tuesday, May 31, 2011

7 Wonderful Dua to Say for our Children By: Grandma Jeddah

One of the best ways to guide our children toward proper behavior is by making du’a for them.  There are many du’as from Quran and hadith that we are encouraged to say for our children. Here are a few

1.      Quran-37:100  "O my Lord! Grant me a righteous (son)!"

2.      Quran-3:38  "O my Lord! Grant unto me from Thee a progeny that is pure: for Thou art He that heareth prayer!”

3.      Quran-2:128  "Our Lord! make of us Muslims, bowing to Thy (Will), and of our progeny a people Muslim, bowing to Thy (will); and show us our place for the celebration of (due) rites; and turn unto us (in Mercy); for Thou art the Oft-Returning, Most Merciful.”
Quran-25:74  "Our Lord! Grant unto us wives and offspring who will be the comfort of our eyes, and give us (the grace) to lead the righteous."

5.      Quran-14:40  "O my Lord! make me one who establishes regular Prayer, and also (raise such) among my offspring O our Lord! and accept Thou my Prayer."

6.      Bukhari  O Allah, I seek refuge with Your Perfect Words from every devil and from poisonous pests and from every evil, harmful, envious eye.

7.      Bukhari  In the name of Allah. O Allah! Protect us from Satan and also protect what you bestow upon us (i.e. the coming offspring) from Satan.
For more information on making obeying easier and discipline simpler without hitting, shouting or shaming, visit Grandma Jeddah’s website at: www.grandmajeddah.com

Monday, May 30, 2011

You Can Count on Me By: Grandma Jeddah

            If you want to see immediate results from your discipline methods today--right now--try this winner coming up!  When you want your child to stop an unacceptable behavior, give your command then count slowly but firmly, 1-2-3. This simple 1-2-3 count can be surprisingly effective in getting children to stop talking, arguing, playing with toys, or refrain from what they are doing. 1-2-3 works best with behaviors you want your child to stop rather than actions you want him to start.
Once you’ve given your count of 1-2-3, avoid any other comments such as “Listen to what I’m saying,” or “Don’t you hear me?” Give your count and be finished.  If your child doesn’t respond, follow through on subsequent procedures.  These can range from removing stars from a star chart or depriving your child of a privilege that is related to the inaction. 
Now get Counting!

For more information on making obeying easier and discipline simpler without hitting, shouting or shaming, visit Grandma Jeddah’s website at: www.grandmajeddah.com

Managing your "Special Needs" Child By: Grandma Jeddah

         Allah has given some of us more abilities in some areas than others. Some are known for their speed of legs,  others for their articulate speach, and then some for their highly intelligent mind.  Then there are those who are known for their disabilities in some areas. Some are blind, deaf, or have physical handicaps or intellectual deficiencies.   
        One type of mental deficiency is mental retardation (sometimes known as intellectual disability or cognitive disability).  Another is the broad range of learning disabilities.  One thing parents of children with intellectual disabilities and learning disabilities should remember when managing their children is that they don’t have to correct every mistake and error that their child makes. If it’s not earth shattering, it probably can be ignored.  If the bed spread leans all the way on the floor with little left for the other side, the sky won’t fall down.
            Remember, your  child with an intellectual disability lacks certain cognitive skills and maturity.  So she isn’t likely to complete tasks optimally.  Neither is her behavior going to be totally complicit.  For these reasons, children with intellectual disabilities and learning disabilities need to be reassured of your love.  Their  self-doubts make them needy for continuous reinforcement of your love for them.  They need to regularly hear from you that you love them. So say it to them often. They also need to feel needed; let them help you cook, clean, serve meals—even if it means more of the biscuit flour will spill on the counter, spots of dust will remain on the end table, or some of the served dinner might slide off the plate at times.
View mishaps as learning opportunities for your child.  Try to overlook the accidents and clumsiness. Experience is one of the best ways for your child with an intellectual disability or learning disability to learn life skills.  

This is an excerpt from Grandma Jeddah’s e-Book: Discipline without Disrespecting: Discover the Hidden Secrets of How to Effectively Discipline Your Muslim Child—And Keep Your Peace of Mind While at It.  To order her e-Book or receive her free newsletter, visit her at www.grandmajeddah.com

Sunday, May 29, 2011

How to speak with no Words By: Grandma Jeddah

The Prophet (saw) used ignoring when he was displeased with the behavior of those under his charge, on several occasions.  In one incident it involved his discontent with his wives, and he retreated to an upper room.  In another case he used it with three companions who neglected to attend the battle of Tabuk.32

Ignoring can be an effective way to encourage compliance from your child or discourage him from continuing with inappropriate behavior.  Use Ignoring as an alternative to reprimanding and hitting. 
            Using the ignoring approach to discipline may initially lead to an escalation in your child’s inappropriate behavior.  Once your child sees you are not responding to his actions, he may ramp up his kicking, shouting or back talk to get your attention. 
Let’s say your 5-year-old son is upset because you won’t give him a second piece of your delicious banana bread.  He drops to the floor, sprawled out bawling and flailing his legs and arms. As long as there is no danger to your child or others, wait it out.  Patience can be a virtue. 
When ignoring, be sure not to send signals with your face, body language or tone that indicate or suggest you are being affected by your child’s behavior.   Ignoring can be very effective with toddlers and even school-age children who throw tantrums. It might take several sessions of ignoring your child for him to learn that his behavior will not get the response he is striving for.   It can be well worth the wait, however.
  The most difficult part of this approach might be your difficulty remaining patient throughout the succession of episodes.  Some common behaviors you can ignore are whining, temper tantrums, pouting, attempts at angering or hurting your feelings, and interrupting your conversations with others.  When your son’s annoying behavior ceases, take time to give him your attention.  It doesn’t have to be anything elaborate; let the situation guide your response.  But show him that appropriate behavior will gain him the attention he desires. 
Make sure you notice periods when your child is upset, yet he doesn’t throw tantrums. When he shows restraint and self-control, compliment him or hug or kiss him.  Be sure to let him know you are pleased with his ability to self-monitor himself.  This is very important for the success of the ignoring technique.  You also want to show him things he can do as an alternative to kicking and screaming on the floor when he’s upset.  Tell him when he’s angry or doesn’t get his way he should lie down, or get active outside, or get on the computer or call a friend.  Show him suitable ways of dispensing with his frustrations.
        Children have feelings and emotions just as adults do.  The old saying, "You can catch more flies with honey than with vinegar plays true when dealing with your children. 

Visit Grandma Jeddah's website for more discipline tips  http://www.grandmajeddah.com/

Saturday, May 28, 2011

"Yes" Can be Best By: Grandma Jeddah

No one likes to hear “no.” We all like to have our way and do as we wish. But of course life isn’t always that sweet. When possible, give your child an affirmative answer to her requests. Many times “No” is the easiest answer, not the best or only answer. Can I do my homework later?  If it’s a Friday and there’s no school tomorrow, why not let your child use a token from her star chart to excuse himself from homework for a day.
            There are times when “No” means “No”. No way around it. During these occasions try to soften the “No.” 
Suhaila:           Can Jamillah spend the night?
Mother:           Not tonight, maybe another night.
You avoided giving a hard “No.” You haven’t opened yourself up to a definite promise with a date or specific time for the future, but you let your daughter down easy. Hope is better than a hard “no” and who knows, maybe you’ll decide to let the friend spend the night on some other occasion.
If your child wants a special dessert after dinner, rather than “No” try “Yes.”
            “ If you eat your vegetables, I’ll make banana bread.”  If you are too tired to bake, you could fix something simpler such as a smoothie, popcorn or fruit salad.
The point here is that parents shouldn’t be so quick to say “No” or discredit their child’s requests. Cooperating with your child in this way shows your child that you are not her adversary. You want to work with her to solve her issues--you're on her side. This is one way to make discipline easier for both you and your child.
This is an excerpt from Grandma Jeddah’s e-Book: Discipline without Disrespecting: Discover the Hidden Secrets of How to Effectively Discipline Your Muslim Child—And Keep Your Peace of Mind While at It.  To order her e-Book or receive her free newsletter, visit her at www.grandmajeddah.com

Thursday, May 26, 2011

Firgure my Trigger--Being Proactive with Tantrums By: Grandma Jeddah

When your child “loses it,” think about what preceded the incident.  Did she get embarrassed or humiliated?  Did she feel like a failure because she didn’t win a game?  Is it almost time for her to do her homework or go to bed? Knowing your child’s triggers can be an enormous asset for you.  It can allow you to prevent a tantrum before it gets the chance to start. Or it can at least help you prepare for one that is about to begin. http://www.grandmajeddah.com/

6 Inspiring Jewels on Remaining Patient with our Kids by: Grandma Jeddah

        We all have our moments.  You finally get a chance to go to the bathroom and no sooner do you close the door than you hear a little fist pounding on the bathroom door, "I have to use it." 
You remind your "strong-willed" 12-year-old to put away his basket of clothes.  "I'm not doing it," he responds.
        When our children do things or respond to us in ways that make us want to lash out at them, that's the time for us to withhold our actions rather than act upon our emotions.  Hitting our children during fits of anger is not allowed in our religion, according to religious scholars.  One way to help us control our anger and try to become more patient is by reflecting on passages from Quran and Hadith that encourage us to be patient and tell us of the rewards of those who are patient. Here are six reminders from Quran and Hadith on the benefits of being patient.

1.   You who believe! Endure and be more patient . . .” (3:200)
2.   And certainly, We shall test you with something of fear, hunger, loss of wealth, lives and fruits, but give glad tidings to As-Sabirun (the patient)".  (2:155)
3. "And verily, whosoever shows patience and forgives, that would truly be from the things recommended by Allah.'' (42:43) 

4Seek help in patience and As-Salat (the prayer). Truly, Allah is with As-Sabirun (the patient).'' 2:153)
5. "And surely, We shall try you till We test those who strive hard (for the Cause of Allah) and As-Sabirun (the patient)'' (47:31)
6. Abu Sa'id Al-Khudri (ra) reported that: Certain people of the Ansar asked the Messenger  of Allah (saw) and he gave to them; then they again asked him and he gave to them until all what he possessed was exhausted. Then the Prophet (saw) said, "Whatever wealth I have, I will not withhold from you. Whosoever would be chaste and modest; Allah will keep him chaste and modest and whosoever would seek self-sufficiency, Allah will make him self-sufficient; and whosoever would be patient, Allah will give him patience, and no one is granted a gift better and more comprehensive than patience".
(Bukhari and Muslim).

Tuesday, May 24, 2011

Timeless Tools for Teenage Discipline by: Grandma Jeddah

 Our religion doesn’t’ condone drugs, alcohol and illicit sex but that doesn’t mean our kids won’t be tempted to experiment with these immoralities.  Our reminders and close relationship can help prevent this type of experimentation and ultimate harm, Insha’Allah.   The relationship we develop with our kids is so important.  Children have a natural tendency to want to please their parents.  Being kind to them makes this inclination easier.  And when ayats from Quran and sayings from hadith are used to let them know how Allah views certain types of behaviors, this reminds them that the ultimate reason for obeying you is to please Allah.

Wednesday, May 18, 2011

How to Get Your 10-Year-Old up for Fajr by: Grandma Jeddah

     Parents sometimes have a difficult time getting their older children up for Fajr. Some scholars suggest using hitting as a last rather than first resort for children aged 10 and older. Here are some alternative methods to hitting when trying to encourage your child to wake up for Fajr.    
   The first thing to remember is that developing a good habit of praying begins early.  It’s important to start getting your child in the habit when he’s around 7- years- old like the hadith says.  That way, he’ll be more conscious and determined about praying when he reaches 10, Insha’Allah.  He may not pray every prayer when he reaches 7 years- old or pray perfectly, but this period is training for him.             Insha’Allah, a pattern will develop in his heart and mind.
           The second thing is to make sure you pray Fajr regularly.  Even though your kids may not be up late at night to pray, you’d be surprised at how observant they are.  Sometimes when they get up to go to the bathroom or they’re having a hard time getting back to sleep they might hear you rustling about preparing for salat.  On occasion, they might even see you making Fajr in the pre-dawn hours.  Being a good example is one of the greatest reinforcements for your child.
            Third you want to make sure he’s getting enough rest by going to bed on time.  That way, waking up early will be much easier on his body physically and mentally.
            Fourth, use a calm and gentle voice when you try to wake him up.  Who wants to wake up to a harsh, gruff voice shouting at him?  All you’d feel like doing is turning over on the other side, crawling up under your covers and going back to sleep. 
            The fifth thing is to give him a gentle tickle as you call his name to wake him up.  It’s an annoyance, but a kind one, early in the morning.
            The sixth thing is to remove the covers from him so he can’t pull them back up.  This makes him uncomfortable so that his sleep isn’t as enticing.
            This sixth method is the one that I’ve used with great success.  Get yourself a spray bottle, it can be a used one from your daughter’s hair detangler or you can purchase a bottle.  Make sure it sprays a mist and not a stream.  After you've called his name a few times and tried to wake him up, if he still remains in bed squirt a light mist above his head so that it gently falls on him face.  This usually works on the first spray but you may have to do it a couple of times.  If he covers his head with his sheet and holds tight, spray his feet next time. After a few days of this, just the sound of you shaking the water bottle will be enough to alarm him to get up, insha'Allah.  Or, sometimes you can even warn, "Get up so I don’t have to get the spray bottle."
            Keep in mind that if you have the type of child who has uncontrollable fits of anger, using a spray bottle might be counterproductive, because he may wake up swinging him arms in a cantankerous mood. 
            The seventh thing is to make an incentive chart using stars as rewards for good behavior.   Place a star on the chart whenever he makes Fajr.  After he’s earned a certain number of stars, give him a treat or take him somewhere special.  This might encourage him to even look forward to making Fajr when he lies down to sleep at night.
            Let’s summarize the points
1.      make sure to start getting him in the habit around 7 years old.
2.      Make you’re a good example and make Fajr regularly.
3.      Try to get him to bed early so he’ll be rested when it’s time for Fajr.
4.      Use a comforting voice when waking him.
5.      Try tickling him when you call his name.
6.      Remove his covers for less comfort.
7.      Try squirting a light mist of water on him.
8.      Use an incentive chart to encourage him to get up by giving him stars for
           praying Fajr prayer.

For more information on making obeying easier and discipline simpler without hitting, shouting or shaming, visit Grandma Jeddah’s website at: www.grandmajeddah.com

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