Preventing Mental Illness in Your Young Adult with and Intellectual Disability (Mental Retardation) By: Grandma Jeddah

      Preventing Mental Illness in Your Young Adult with and Intellectual Disability (Mental Retardation) 

By: Grandma Jeddah

 Mental illness in young adults with mental retardation ( intellectual disabilities) is quite common as mentioned earlier.  

    Preventing problems is always preferable to solving them. Here are some tips from Helpguide.com that can help you foster healthy mental health with your child.

·         Learn what depression is.

·         Realize that medication is not suitable for long-term use.

·         Know that other treatments can be just as effective as medication.

·         Provide a strong bonding relationship by being there for your child to talk to.

·         Encourage friends, family, and others to befriend your child for social support.

·         Know that treatment takes time, and improvement can advance and regress at times.

·         Provide your child with sufficient exercise.

·         Provide your child with healthy, balanced meals.

·         Seek out ways of reducing your child’s stresses.

·         Teach your child relaxation techniques and outlets.

·         Expose your child to hobbies.

           Few outsiders understand the difficult struggle children with special needs live daily, dealing with constant disappointment and failures, knowing they don’t understand things that others grasp easily, tripping over their feet while others don’t, stumbling over words, and constantly being asked to repeat themselves for clarification.  Failure is their constant companion.  Many develop strong wills or abrasive personalities as a result of their continuous struggles to cope with their clumsiness, misplaced comments, mispronounced words and other idiosyncrasies. Parents should keep this in mind when they themselves become frustrated with managing the demanding and unruly behavior of their child with special needs.

Grandma Jeddah is the mother of 11 children and 16 grandchildren. She has taught hundreds of students for over 30 years at an Islamic school in Los Angeles, California.She is the author of, Discipline without Disrespecting: Discover the Hidden Secrets of How to Effectively Discipline Your Muslim Child--And Keep Your Peace of Mind while at It.  Order her e-books at:  http://www.grandmajeddah.com/

Educate Yourself about Your Child's Disability (By: Grandma Jeddah)

Educate Yourself

It is particularly important for parents to educate themselves regarding their child’s disability so they can understand the child better and learn the special techniques needed to handle such children. In addition, it is wise to seek out parenting groups, support groups and other helpful resources for moral support.  
    

            If your child has a mild to moderate cognitive disability or a learning disability, it’s important to find out what her developmental age (functioning age) is in various areas of performance such as physical and motor capabilities, daily tasks, academic abilities and other areas of competencies.  You’ll also want to find out what the abilities are for a normal child of the same chronological age (true age) as your child. All of this information can be obtained from the special education resource person in your local public school. Once you have this information, it will allow you to determine if the expectations you have for your child are unrealistic and should be reset accordingly. It will also allow you to see the degree to which your child differs from children without such a disability.  Parents sometimes have unrealistic and excessively high expectations regarding how their child with a learning disability or cognitive disability should behave or act.

            If your child has a cognitive disability and has the developmental age of a 6- to 8-year-old, but is chronologically (true age) 15-years-old and she is still unable to recite surah Fatiha as well as the last 3 surahs of Quran without numerous mistakes, she may simply lack the intellectual ability to memorize the surahs without error. Her performance of salat certainly should not be judged based upon the average 15-year-old’s maturity level.

Guiding Them

 Children with a cognitive disability take longer to learn than the average child. Your child might need to be reminded more frequently and for a longer period of time in order to master certain behaviors or skills. For instance, it might take years rather than weeks or months for your 15-year-old daughter to master the skill of proper bathroom etiquette-- using water after relieving herself and wiping correctly and sufficiently.  To encourage her to maintain proper habits, compliment her often. When you see her maintaining proper hygiene, tell her she’s a good Muslim. Let her know that what she’s done is good. Creating incentive charts can be extremely helpful as well. You will find more on incentive charts in chapter 5.

Praise is extremely important for your child.  Praise your child generously when you find her following your instructions. Children with cognitive disabilities and learning disabilities thrive on compliments, praise and encouragement.  They can never get enough. If you want them to behave a particular way, just remember to compliment them often when they do it.  Their performance of your instructions needn’t be 100% perfect.  Praising effort is just as important as complimenting performance for your child with a cognitive disability.  Your 12-year-old may not place all the freshly folded clothes in their proper drawers. However, she should still be commended for her efforts in doing the job.

Be a Friend 

One of the best ways to establish proper discipline with your child who has a cognitive disability is by developing a close relationship with her.  Your child’s manners and awkwardness in social situations can prevent her from developing close emotional ties with friends. Because of this, a solid relationship with family--and particularly parents--is even more important. Many sufferers of cognitive disabilities believe that the pain of being lonely and not having friends or significant relationships far outweighs the difficulties they suffer from being incompetent in their abilities.

I remember hearing a story once. A man with a cognitive disability lived in a home for the mentally challenged. To the attendants’ dismay, they'd often find him pulling and grabbing at his face and mouth. He'd pull until his lip was bloody and partially hanging off. Because of sexual misconduct issues, workers were not allowed to have unnecessary physical contact or display affection towards patients.  Whenever this patient began his episode of face disfiguring, the attendants would grab him and hold him tight to physically restrain him from harming himself further. They would then take him to the hospital to have his lip repaired.  This pattern of behavior continued for some time.   The employees later came to realize that the man’s extreme actions were a drastic attempt to have someone embrace and hold him.  He was starving for love and affection.  The desire to be held was so strong that he severely mutilated himself just to receive the close physical contact of a person.   

More excerpts continued, insha'Allah

Please click here to order http://www.grandmajeddah.com/Your-Challenging-Muslim-Child-with-Special-Needs-135.htm

My knowledge of special needs began over 30 years ago (By Grandma Jeddah)

To encourage parents to learn more about developmental disabilities like cognitive disability (formerly mental retardation), and autism Grandma Jeddah will be posting throughout this month excerpts from her e-book Your Challenging Muslim Child with Special Needs, insha'Allah.

Introduction

My knowledge of special needs began over 30 years ago with a student I had in a class soon after I began teaching. He was unruly, belligerent and was a complete behavior problem. I didn’t know what to do with him. It was then that someone introduced to me the incentive/reward system for managing discipline problems with children.  I used it halfheartedly, my personal upbringing told me that the child was simply bad, and that was that. I resented having to do anything extra to manage this child’s behavior—why should I—he was the one who had the problem, not me.  And, after all –I was the teacher and should be obeyed. My ideas on who was responsible for the problem didn’t change the situation I was experiencing with the child. It may have only made me more indignant.

       

     I had several other students with varying behavioral problems over the following years since my first experience with that student. However, the children with special needs who had the greatest impact on me were those I managed at home--my own children.  It would be nearly fifteen years after my initial exposure to that student with the behavioral problems that I’d come to realize that the incentive/reward system I’d been exposed to decades prior was a valuable tool to use for my special needs students--as well as my own children at home. I appreciated this system even more as I came to learn of the challenges and difficulties children with developmental disabilities struggle with on a daily basis. 

           

I’d been planning to write this book for a long time. I made many mistakes over the years when managing both my students and my own children with special needs. Through trial and error and extensive research, Allah has blessed me with a wealth of practical experience and knowledge that has been enormously helpful and resourceful for managing my students and raising my children with special needs. I hope some of my experiences and wisdom expressed in this book will be a great means of support and help for other parents searching for help and solutions in managing their children with special needs.

         

   Keep in mind this book is in no way definitive by any means. It provides parents with practical introductory information on common disabilities that frequently contribute to behavioral problems with children. It also provides parents with practical advice on how to manage these special children to receive more desirable behavior from them. After completing this book, parents are encouraged to use this book as a jumping board to leap into the pool of knowledge available on special needs, discipline, and positive parenting. I have provided a list of helpful resources at the end of this book.

        

    Many of the suggestions given in this book on nurturing, managing, and disciplining children with special needs are fundamentals—develop a loving and caring relationship with your child and you will have a child who is more willing to comply with your regulations.  Help your child feel needed and wanted. Provide your child with the emotional support she needs, and you will find the relationship between you and your child improve phenomenally by leaps and bounds. You will find your household a much more peaceful and loving home. Fundamentals indeed—a reminder is good for the believer.

More excerpts continued, insha'Allah

Please click here to order  Your Challenging Muslim Child with Special Needs

Managing Your Child with a Special Need

To encourage parents to learn more about developmental disabilities like cognitive disability (formerly mental retardation), and autism Grandma Jeddah will be posting throughout this month excerpts from her e-book Your Challenging Muslim Child with Special Needs, insha'Allah.

Managing Your Child with a Special Need

Chapter 4 

Managing Your Child with a Learning Disability or Cognitive Disability

Get Help if Concerned

Most parents sense when something just isn’t right with their child. A mother may notice her child is behind the norm in her ability to speak by age two.  Or she may observe her child’s inability to say her name when asked at age four.  A mother might find that her child still hasn’t learned the names of colors at age six even though she’d been taught them for an entire school year.   When suspicion regarding your child’s intellectual ability lasts for a long duration and occurs frequently, your concerns might be worth looking into. There is help available.  The earlier help is sought, the sooner you can obtain the proper knowledge about your child's abilities and developmental stages.   This will allow you to act with an informed perspective.   Lack of information can result in your child suffering due to unrealistic expectations from you and others. Your perceptions of your child’s failure to comply may actually be her inability to fulfill your orders.

Knowing your child’s true condition can be the first step in lifting the weight you are carrying when trying to raise your child who is different.  Take note, there are other conditions such as hearing and seeing problems that can mimic symptoms of cognitive disability and learning disabilities.  If you are observing in your child, a significant number of traits mentioned in chapter 1 under children with learning disabilities or cognitive disabilities, be sure to contact a doctor or other health professional to assist you in diagnosing these problems in your child.  Of course, not all children with learning disabilities or a cognitive disability will experience some or all of these characteristics. Each child is different. 

      Often, when parents notice their child exhibiting behaviors descriptive of intellectual disabilities they grow concerned but are hesitant to seek help. This reluctance can be due to several reasons, among them fear of what the results may determine. Also, parents may not know whom they should present their questions to.  And then some parents refuse to accept that their child is exhibiting abnormal behavior.  However, once parents conclude that their child indeed does have a special need, they can then resolve to move ahead and attempt to find appropriate ways to manage their child’s disability. It can be a relief to know that your child’s unusual behaviors actually have a label or name that explains the peculiarity. It can also be reassuring to learn that you are not alone and other parents have children who share similar tendencies as your child.

            The importance of first, acknowledging your child’s disability, and then, learning about the aspects of her disability is crucial for the proper management of your child. A mother who refuses to accept that her child has irregular learning patterns or behaviors is less likely to seek out information on disabilities in general.   This lack of knowledge can cause some parents to misjudge a disabled child’s odd behavior for misconduct. Consequently, the child suffers unnecessarily through punishment, offensive remarks, and conditions that demand of her what she is incapable of executing.  Knowledge helps you understand why your child behaves as she does and what can be done about it.  Essentially, you learn how to manage your special child. 

Looks Can Be Deceiving

A common problem for some children with learning disabilities or mild to moderate cognitive disabilities is that they generally look “normal.”  Their physical features do not suggest there is anything different about them compared to children who are unaffected. You might be wondering how this can be a problem. It can be a problem because children with characteristic features that signify they have a disability are expected by those who associate with them, to behave in unconventional ways—even if their disability doesn’t warrant irregular behavior. Whereas, children who look “normal” are expected to act normal. And when they don’t, their strange behavior often leads to frequent misunderstandings and mislead assumptions on the part of those with whom these children come in contact.   Because of their normal appearance, the child’s inferior social skills or other odd behavior might be mistaken for rudeness, immaturity, or attention seeking behavior.  It can also mistakenly be perceived as a result of poor parenting.   

More excerpts continued, insha'Allah


Please click here to order  Your Challenging Muslim Child with Special Needs

March is Developmental Disabilities Awareness Month

March is Developmental Disabilities Awareness Month
Learn more about intellectual disabilities (mental Retardation)
http://www.thearc.org/

Grandma Jeddah is the mother of 11 children and 13 grandchildren. She has taught hundreds of students for over 30 years at an Islamic school in Los Angeles, California.She is the author of, Discipline without Disrespecting: Discover the Hidden Secrets of How to Effectively Discipline Your Muslim Child--And Keep Your Peace of Mind while at It.  Order her e-book or Subscribe to her free newsletter at --http://shop.grandmajeddah.com/  and  http://www.grandmajeddah.com/subscribe-page.html

An inspiring poem for mothers or caregivers of children with disabilities

An inspiring poem for mothers or caregivers of children with disabilities

I AM THE CHILD (Author Unknown) 

I am the child who cannot talk. 
You often pity me, I see it in your eyes. 
You wonder how much I am aware of -- I see that as well. 
I am aware of much, whether you are happy or sad or fearful, 
patient or impatient, full of love and desire, 
or if you are just doing your duty by me. 
I marvel at your frustration, knowing mine to be far greater,
for I cannot express myself or my needs as you do.
You cannot conceive my isolation, so complete it is at times.
I do not gift you with clever conversation, cute remarks to be laughed over and repeated.
I do not give you answers to your everyday questions,
responses over my well-being, sharing my needs,
or comments about the world about me.
I do not give you rewards as defined by the world's standards -- great strides in
development that you can credit yourself;
I do not give you understanding as you know it.
What I give you is so much more valuable -- I give you instead opportunities.
Opportunities to discover the depth of your character, not mine;
the depth of your love, your commitment, your patience, your abilities;
the opportunity to explore your spirit more deeply than you imagined possible.
I drive you further than you would ever go on your own, working harder,
seeking answers to your many questions with no answers.
I am the child who cannot talk.
I am the child who cannot walk.
The world seems to pass me by.
You see the longing in my eyes to get out of this chair, to run and play like other children.
There is much you take for granted.
I want the toys on the shelf, I need to go to the bathroom, oh I've dropped my fork again.
I am dependent on you in these ways.
My gift to you is to make you more aware of your great fortune,
your healthy back and legs, your ability to do for yourself.
Sometimes people appear not to notice me; I always notice them.
I feel not so much envy as desire, desire to stand upright,
to put one foot in front of the other, to be independent.
I give you awareness.
I am the child who cannot walk.
I am the child who is mentally impaired.
I don't learn easily, if you judge me by the world's measuring stick,
what I do know is infinite joy in simple things.
I am not burdened as you are with the strife's and conflicts of a more complicated life.
My gift to you is to grant you the freedom to enjoy things as a child,
to teach you how much your arms around me mean, to give you love.
I give you the gift of simplicity.
I am the child who is mentally impaired.
I am the disabled child.
I am your teacher. If you allow me,
I will teach you what is really important in life.
I will give you and teach you unconditional love.
I gift you with my innocent trust, my dependency upon you.
I teach you about how precious this life is and about not taking things for granted.
I teach you about forgetting your own needs and desires and dreams.
I teach you giving.
Most of all I teach you hope and faith.
I am the disabled child.

Grandma Jeddah is the mother of 11 children and 13 grandchildren. She has taught hundreds of students for over 30 years at an Islamic school in Los Angeles, California.This is an excerpt from her book, Discipline without Disrespecting: Discover the Hidden Secrets of How to Effectively Discipline Your Muslim Child--And Keep Your Peace of Mind while at It.  order her books or Subscribe to her free newsletter at --

http://shop.grandmajeddah.com/        http://www.grandmajeddah.com

Test of Children with Special Needs by Grandma Jeddah

Test of Children with Special Needs

by Grandma Jeddah

There is no doubt--raising a child with special needs can be more challenging, stressful and exhausting than raising a child with normal range functioning.  As a Muslim, however, we know that the greater the test the greater the reward.  Raising a child with special needs gives you an opportunity to get so many blessings and rewards.  This is because you have to reach deep, down into your reserve of patience and tolerance to manage your child’s quirky mannerisms, outlandish behavior, and excessive dependence upon you.   Not to mention, you sometimes have to cope with uninformed, disapproving, and intolerant friends, relatives and strangers. So remember the following when you feel like you’re losing control of your household—and your sanity:

مَا عِندَكُمْ يَنفَدُ وَمَا عِندَ اللّهِ بَاقٍ وَلَنَجْزِيَنَّ الَّذِينَ صَبَرُواْ أَجْرَهُم بِأَحْسَنِ مَا كَانُواْ يَعْمَلُونَ

"And those who are patient, we will certainly pay them a reward in proportion to the best of what they used to do." (Quran 16:96).

"If Allah wants to do good to somebody, He afflicts him with trials." (Bukhari).

قُلْ لَنْ يُصِيبَنَا إِلَّا مَا كَتَبَ اللَّهُ لَنَا هُوَ مَوْلَانَا ۚ وَعَلَى

اللَّهِ فَلْيَتَوَكَّلِ الْمُؤْمِنُونَ

"Say: Nothing shall ever happen to us except what Allah has ordained for us. He is our Lord and Protector, and in Allah let the believers put their trust." (Quran 9: 51).

Use the difficult moments as opportunities to get closer to your Lord.  Seek help from Him often.

دَعَاهُ وَيَكْشِفُ السُّوءَ وَيَجْعَلُكُمْ خُلَفَاءَ الْأَرْضِ أَمَّنْ يُجِيبُ الْمُضْطَرَّ إِذَا   

"Is it not He who responds to the distressed one when he calls Him (better than your gods.)"

 (Quran 27: 62)

But also keep in mind that your child’s disabilities and eccentric behavior may very well have some positive aspects that you are simply unaware of.  Perhaps it’s a blessing from Allah that He has not made known to you. Perhaps it is Allah’s way of guaranteeing your child paradise.

Narrated 'Ata bin Abi Rabah: Ibn 'Abbas said to me, "Shall I show you a woman of the people of Paradise?" I said, "Yes." He said, "This black lady came to the Prophet and said, 'I get attacks of epilepsy and my body becomes uncovered; please invoke Allah for me.' The Prophet (saw) said (to her), 'If you wish, be patient and you will have (enter) Paradise; and if you wish, I will invoke Allah to cure you.' She said, 'I will remain patient,' and added, 'but I become uncovered, so please invoke Allah for me that I may not become uncovered.' So he invoked Allah for her." (Bukhari 7:555)



Grandma Jeddah is the mother of 11 children and 13 grandchildren. She has taught hundreds of students for over 30 years at an Islamic school in Los Angeles, California.This is an excerpt from her book, Discipline without Disrespecting: Discover the Hidden Secrets of How to Effectively Discipline Your Muslim Child--And Keep Your Peace of Mind while at It.  Subscribe to her free newsletter at --http://www.grandmajeddah.com

Disciplining Your Special Needs Child (The Special Needs Child)

Disciplining Your Special Needs Child (The Special Needs Child)
http://www.the-special-needs-child.com/Before-disciplining.html


Grandma Jeddah is the mother of 11 children and 11 grandchildren. She has taught hundreds of students for over 30 years at an Islamic school in Los Angeles, California. Subscribe to her free newsletter at --http://www.grandmajeddah.com

Every Child is Special: Tips to Empower Children with Special Needs (Effective Islamic Parenting)

Every Child is Special: Tips to Empower Children with Special Needs (Effective Islamic Parenting)

http://www.effectiveislamicparenting.com/2012/11/every-child-is-special-tips-to-empower-children-with-special-needs/


Grandma Jeddah is the mother of 11 children and 11 grandchildren. She has taught hundreds of students for over 30 years at an Islamic school in Los Angeles, California. Subscribe to her free newsletter at --http://www.grandmajeddah.com

Teaching Your Child with Autism (Autism Sparks)

Teaching Your Child with Autism (Autism Sparks)
http://www.autismsparks.com/public/resources/AS-ebook.pdf

Grandma Jeddah is the mother of 11 children and 11 grandchildren. She has taught hundreds of students for over 30 years at an Islamic school in Los Angeles, California. Subscribe to her free newsletter at --http://www.grandmajeddah.com/

Connecting with Your Child (Autism Sparks)

Connecting with Your Child (Autism Sparks)
http://www.autismsparks.com/public/Intensive-Play.cfm

Grandma Jeddah is the mother of 11 children and 11 grandchildren. She has taught hundreds of students for over 30 years at an Islamic school in Los Angeles, California. Subscribe to her free newsletter at --http://www.grandmajeddah.com/

Special Parenting for Special Needs Children By: Grandma Jeddah

Children with learning disabilities and mild to moderate mental retardation are often looked upon as “normal” because many don't look like there's anything different about them on the outside. This leads to many misunderstandings and mislead assumptions on the part of those whom these children come in contact with.   Because of their normal appearance, the children’s behavior is mistaken, for rudeness, immaturity, or attention seeking behavior.  It is also mistakenly perceived as a result of poor parenting.   Few outsiders understand the difficult struggle these children live daily, dealing with constant disappointment and failures, knowing they don’t understand things that others grasp easily, tripping over their feet while others don’t, stumbling over words, and constantly being asked to repeat themselves for clarification.  Failure is their constant companion.  Many develop strong wills as a result of their continuous struggles to cope with their clumsiness, misplaced comments, mispronounced words and other idiosyncrasies.

            Likewise, few understand the enormous challenge parents of such children experience.  It is particularly important for parents to educate themselves of their child’s disability so they can understand their child better and learn the special techniques needed to handle such children. In addition, it is wise to seek out parenting groups, support groups and other helpful resources for moral support.

This is an excerpt from Grandma Jeddah’s e-Book: Discipline without Disrespecting: Discover the Hidden Secrets of How to Effectively Discipline Your Muslim Child—And Keep Your Peace of Mind While at It.  To order her e-Book or receive her free newsletter, visit her at www.grandmajeddah.com