Young son won’t be still in salat (By: Grandma Jeddah)

27.  Young son won’t be still in salat

My husband takes my 5-year-old to the masjid with him sometimes for salat. My husband says that he always moves around and won’t be still in line. We want him to take salat seriously. How should we handle his restlessness during salat?

May Allah reward you for wanting to raise your son up to be conscientious of his prayers. I wouldn’t worry much about his moving around a lot in prayer. The Prophet (saw) said to have them begin praying at 7 years old, according to hadith.  He hasn’t matured to that level yet. Right now, he is simply being exposed to it, and that’s good. Let him enjoy making the prayer rather than making it something that he has to seriously adhere to.  This will help retain his desire to continue to go.  The Prophet (saw) was extremely lenient with his grandsons: There is a hadith in which the Prophet (saw) allowed his grandsons to climb on his back during salat while he was in sujud. (Bukhari)

Many children like to imitate their parents, so when your son sees you and your husband praying, he will likely develop a desire to begin imitating both of you, insha’Allah. Children take in and retain a lot of information through example during this time period. At this stage, he is learning mostly through example. Your sincere concern for prayer will likely transfer over to him, insha’Allah.

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This is an excerpt from Grandma Jeddah's e-book 67 Discipline Pearls for Your Most Challenging Discipline Problems. Order your copy today at www.grandmajeddah.com 

Grandma Jeddah is the mother of 11 children and 16 grandchildren. She has taught hundreds of students for over 30 years at an Islamic school in Los Angeles, California. She has written dozens of articles for Muslim magazines, newspapers and blogs.  She is the author of, Discipline without Disrespecting: Discover the Hidden Secrets of How to Effectively Discipline Your Muslim Child--And Keep Your Peace of Mind while at It.  Order her e-books at:  http://www.grandmajeddah.com/

One Scholars view of "Hit them when they are 10 if they don't pray"

The following was taken from an article in the Saudi Gazette¹: Sheikh Muhammad Nasiruddeen Al-Albani (May Allah have mercy on him) was asked if it was permissible for teachers to hit students to discipline them. His reply is an eye-opener for us:

          As far as hitting the face, this is not permissible due to the statement of the Prophet (peace be upon him): “Do not hit the face and do not disfigure.” As for hitting a student in general to discipline, (let’s) mention the statement of the Prophet, “Command your children to pray when they reach the age of seven and hit them if they leave it off when they reach the age of 10, and separate them from each other in the beds.
          “This Hadith is proof that it is not permissible for those in charge to hit a child, whether student or not, for not obeying commands until he reaches the age of 10. Without doubt, whatever knowledge any teacher wants to impart to his students will not be more important than saying prayer.
          “If the Prophet (peace be upon him) prohibited fathers from hitting their children for not praying, until they reached the age of 10, then with all the more reason, it is not permissible for those other than the father to hit children for something (lesser) than the salah until they reached the age of 10.
          “Thus, it is not permissible for teachers to beat children even if they did not obey him regarding the salah.

http://www.saudigazette.com.sa/index.cfm?method=home.regcon&contentID=2009012828000

Grandma Jeddah is the mother of 11 children and 13 grandchildren. She has taught hundreds of students for over 30 years at an Islamic school in Los Angeles, California.This is an excerpt from her book, How to Discipline Children the Islamic Way.  Subscribe to her free newsletter at --http://www.grandmajeddah.com

How to Get Your Child up for Fajr by: Grandma Jeddah

How to Get Your Child up for Fajr--without hitting or shouting by: Grandma Jeddah
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zZxcHiIFXH8

For more tips on How to discipline your child without hitting, shouting or losing control, order Grandma Jeddah's e-book-- Discipline without Disrespecting: Discover the Hidden Secrets of How to Effectively Discipline your Muslim Child—And Keep your Peace of Mind While at It.  Or subscribe to her free newsletter at www.grandmajeddah.com.

How to Get Your 10-Year-Old up for Fajr by: Grandma Jeddah

      

     Parents sometimes have a difficult time getting their older children up for Fajr. Some scholars suggest using hitting as a last rather than first resort for children aged 10 and older. Here are some alternative methods to hitting when trying to encourage your child to wake up for Fajr.    

   The first thing to remember is that developing a good habit of praying begins early.  It’s important to start getting your child in the habit when he’s around 7- years- old like the hadith says.  That way, he’ll be more conscious and determined about praying when he reaches 10, Insha’Allah.  He may not pray every prayer when he reaches 7 years- old or pray perfectly, but this period is training for him.             Insha’Allah, a pattern will develop in his heart and mind.

           The second thing is to make sure you pray Fajr regularly.  Even though your kids may not be up late at night to pray, you’d be surprised at how observant they are.  Sometimes when they get up to go to the bathroom or they’re having a hard time getting back to sleep they might hear you rustling about preparing for salat.  On occasion, they might even see you making Fajr in the pre-dawn hours.  Being a good example is one of the greatest reinforcements for your child.

            Third you want to make sure he’s getting enough rest by going to bed on time.  That way, waking up early will be much easier on his body physically and mentally.

            Fourth, use a calm and gentle voice when you try to wake him up.  Who wants to wake up to a harsh, gruff voice shouting at him?  All you’d feel like doing is turning over on the other side, crawling up under your covers and going back to sleep. 

            The fifth thing is to give him a gentle tickle as you call his name to wake him up.  It’s an annoyance, but a kind one, early in the morning.

            The sixth thing is to remove the covers from him so he can’t pull them back up.  This makes him uncomfortable so that his sleep isn’t as enticing.

            This sixth method is the one that I’ve used with great success.  Get yourself a spray bottle, it can be a used one from your daughter’s hair detangler or you can purchase a bottle.  Make sure it sprays a mist and not a stream.  After you've called his name a few times and tried to wake him up, if he still remains in bed squirt a light mist above his head so that it gently falls on him face.  This usually works on the first spray but you may have to do it a couple of times.  If he covers his head with his sheet and holds tight, spray his feet next time. After a few days of this, just the sound of you shaking the water bottle will be enough to alarm him to get up, insha'Allah.  Or, sometimes you can even warn, "Get up so I don’t have to get the spray bottle."

            Keep in mind that if you have the type of child who has uncontrollable fits of anger, using a spray bottle might be counterproductive, because he may wake up swinging him arms in a cantankerous mood. 

            The seventh thing is to make an incentive chart using stars as rewards for good behavior.   Place a star on the chart whenever he makes Fajr.  After he’s earned a certain number of stars, give him a treat or take him somewhere special.  This might encourage him to even look forward to making Fajr when he lies down to sleep at night.

            Let’s summarize the points

1.      make sure to start getting him in the habit around 7 years old.

2.      Make you’re a good example and make Fajr regularly.

3.      Try to get him to bed early so he’ll be rested when it’s time for Fajr.

4.      Use a comforting voice when waking him.

5.      Try tickling him when you call his name.

6.      Remove his covers for less comfort.

7.      Try squirting a light mist of water on him.

8.      Use an incentive chart to encourage him to get up by giving him stars for
           praying Fajr prayer.

For more information on making obeying easier and discipline simpler without hitting, shouting or shaming, visit Grandma Jeddah’s website at: www.grandmajeddah.com