Monday, August 29, 2016

Can Passion to Guide Your Children Lead to Abuse? By Grandma Jeddah

Excerpt From-- 

How to Discipline Children the Islamic Way

By Grandma Jeddah


Introduction
This book is for Muslim parents who are concerned about raising their children up as good Muslims. It was written for these parents, but its intent is not to present what they should teach their children. The purpose of this book is to offer parents an awareness of the manner in which they should guide their children toward virtuous lifestyles. It’s for those parents who want to guide their children to what’s right but also want to direct in ways that have been encouraged in our religion. These parents wish to avoid instructing in ways that are contrary to our religion.
 Many Muslim parents today (converts as well as those born into Islam) discipline their children according to their family’s cultural traditions rather than Islamic culture. Some of these traditional methods may be appropriate Islamically--others may not.   Muslims are generally fervent in wanting their children to grow up as obedient and God fearing Muslims. Sometimes this passion can lead to excesses and even transgressions when disciplining. One of the most common present day customary methods of training children is the use of corporal punishment.

 

Few or no Resources


When I first became Muslim, I was one of those parents who used physical discipline on a regular basis. I had only my family background to use as a reference point when raising my children.
There were no English Islamic books written at the time which provided New Muslim parents with Islamically based methods of child discipline . . . at least none that I knew of.
          And when I observed those around me, I noticed that some Muslim parents found little hesitation in slapping their children in the face. Calling children derogatory names wasn’t off the list either. So as a new Muslim convert, to me, my methods of disciplining my children seemed normal and not contrary to Islam.
Alhamdullilah, presently, a host of Islamic books, articles, lectures, aswell as websites and blogs offer Muslim parents guidance as to how we as Muslims should direct our children toward proper behavior. These teachings explain that the Quran and our Prophet Muhammad (saw) discouraged harsh discipline, hitting in the face, and the use of disparaging remarks when correcting children.
Things have changed greatly, by the Mercy of Allah, from those decades eons ago when I began raising my family. There is an abundance of parenting information on the negative effectives of being excessively harsh when disciplining our children from both Islamic as well as secular sources.  
This book, How to Discipline Children the Islamic Way introduces parents to some of the Islamic references that suggest the manner in which we should instruct our children. It raises parents’ awareness to the possibility that many of the methods they may be using to manage their child’s behavior may be a result of cultural habit, rather than religious instruction. There are many examples from the Prophet’s (saw) manner of correcting that guide us to the conclusion that when disciplining our children, we should be patient, kind and gentle.
I’m sure many of you are thinking about the hadith that mentions hitting your children at 10 if they don’t pray.  Don’t worry— we will discuss that later in the book, Insha’Allah. Many parents might also be wondering—how do you raise a child without hitting him. That is somewhat beyond the scope of this book. However, suffice it to say there are loads of ways to correct children without hitting and shouting at them. You can find over 25 ways to discipline your child without hitting or shouting in my e-book Discipline without Disrespecting:; Discover the Hidden Secrets of How to Effectively Discipline Your Muslim Child—And Keep Your Peace of Mind while at It. www.grandmajeddah.com

May Allah bless us all to use teaching methods that are most pleasing to Him, when raising our children to be good Muslims.


Order and read the entire book and view the entire video today, insha'Allah at: http://www.grandmajeddah.com/How-to-Discipline-Children-the-Islamic-Way-Video-e-Book-129.htm


Grandma Jeddah is the mother of 11 children and 13 grandchildren. She has taught hundreds of students for over 30 years at an Islamic school in Los Angeles, California.She is the author of, Discipline without Disrespecting: Discover the Hidden Secrets of How to Effectively Discipline Your Muslim Child--And Keep Your Peace of Mind while at It.  Order her e-books at:  http://www.grandmajeddah.com/

Friday, August 26, 2016

Very Needed Discussion on Including Muslims who are Disabled into the Community

Very Needed Discussion on Including Muslims who are Disabled into the Community
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yKOYnTpUxWA

Grandma Jeddah is the mother of 11 children and 15 grandchildren. She has taught hundreds of students for over 30 years at an Islamic school in Los Angeles, California.She is the author of, Discipline without Disrespecting: Discover the Hidden Secrets of How to Effectively Discipline Your Muslim Child--And Keep Your Peace of Mind while at It.  Order her e-books at:  http://www.grandmajeddah.com/

Thursday, August 25, 2016

How Do You Treat Your Child who has a Disability?

Do you have a child with a disability? What does our religion say about the treatment of those with disabilities or special needs?
Here is a very important article on this subject:

https://theislamicworkplace.com/2007/06/14/caring-for-people-with-special-needs-in-islam/

Grandma Jeddah is the mother of 11 children and 13 grandchildren. She has taught hundreds of students for over 30 years at an Islamic school in Los Angeles, California.She is the author of, Discipline without Disrespecting: Discover the Hidden Secrets of How to Effectively Discipline Your Muslim Child--And Keep Your Peace of Mind while at It.  Order her e-books at:  http://www.grandmajeddah.com/

Wednesday, August 24, 2016

Raising children in Islam - Mufti Menk (Dammam Lecture)

Raising children in Islam - Mufti Menk (Dammam Lecture)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gt-jfip6XGo&spfreload=5

Marvelous video!

Grandma Jeddah is the mother of 11 children and 13 grandchildren. She has taught hundreds of students for over 30 years at an Islamic school in Los Angeles, California.She is the author of, Discipline without Disrespecting: Discover the Hidden Secrets of How to Effectively Discipline Your Muslim Child--And Keep Your Peace of Mind while at It.  Order her e-books at:  http://www.grandmajeddah.com/

How to Discipline Your Child the Islamic Way? By: Grandma Jeddah

Have you ever wondered--How to Discipline Your Child the Islamic Way?
Here is a start in the right direction, insha'Allah:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WEJEvu3ZYnc

Grandma Jeddah is the mother of 11 children and 13 grandchildren. She has taught hundreds of students for over 30 years at an Islamic school in Los Angeles, California.She is the author of, Discipline without Disrespecting: Discover the Hidden Secrets of How to Effectively Discipline Your Muslim Child--And Keep Your Peace of Mind while at It.  Order her e-books at:  http://www.grandmajeddah.com/

Monday, August 15, 2016

Older son jealous of younger son’s grades (By Grandma Jeddah)

Older son jealous of younger son’s grades

Final Excerpt From-- 

Discipline Pearls

For Your Most
Challenging Discipline Problems
By Grandma Jeddah

I have 2 sons, 5 and 6. They both do very well in school, Alhamdulillah. However, while my 5-year-old is always at the top of his class, my 6-year-old is usually among the first 5. Now I don’t have a problem with this but my older son does. I try to re-assure him that both me and his dad are okay with his performance in school, but I don’t think he is convinced. He thinks he has to be first all the time like his brother. The school makes it worse because the top students in class are recognized by the entire school with special gifts. This weekend, the school plans to take the top students on a field trip. My older son feels bad because he is not a part of it. I don’t know what to do. Should I stop my younger son from going on the field trip? How do I reassure my older son? Jazakillahkhairan.

It sounds like you are handling the problem with your older son in a reasonable way by accepting his abilities even though they may be less than his brother’s. The problem you are experiencing from your older son presents an opportunity for you to implant important life skills. We will all, at some time or another, encounter situations in which we feel inferior to others. It’s important for us to remember what makes one superior to another is his obedience to Allah.

Let both your sons know that it’s important that we strive to be the best that we can in our endeavors. Achieving accomplishments in this world is something that can help us feel good about ourselves. Accomplishments can also give us the desire to struggle harder and strive further. These are all good things. For centuries Muslims were known for being leaders and trendsetters in virtually all areas of learning, including science, math and social spheres.  We want to encourage our children to excel, be productive, and do their very best. But we also want to make clear that none of these factors is what makes them superior human beings. There are plenty of people who are intelligent but lack morals. What makes us superior is taqwa--our fear and obedience to Allah.

When you teach your sons the concept that superiority is in obedience to Allah, it helps them minimize the superficial aspects of this world. It helps them put their deficiency into its proper perspective. This is not to say that your son will immediately develop positive feelings about himself regarding the academic issue. But it’s a teaching mechanism for life time skills . . . for when he grows up, insha’Allah.

There are some practical things that you can do now while he is young to help him feel better about himself. One thing you can do is contact your 6-year-old son’s teacher or principal to find out if they have other activities besides academics in class that students are recognized for. If they don’t, you can suggest to them ideas such as recognition for attendance, sports, character, etc. This gives students who may not excel in academics the opportunity to be recognized for other qualities.

Another thing you can do is develop incentive programs for your sons at home. Some ideas might be for the following:

Ø  Going to bed on time for a week
Ø  Finishing chores for a week
Ø  Remembering to brush teeth in the morning before getting dressed, for a week
Ø  Completing homework before bed time, for a week
Ø  Reciting Quran every day for a week

You can present your own certificates and awards to your sons for completing these tasks. Or, you can reward them in other ways by taking them shopping for an inexpensive toy, spending extra time with them, taking them to the park to play, cooking a special meal, visiting amusement parks, etc.
For incentives and rewards, you might be interested in my e-book Good Muslim Certificates. Inside you will find 34 colorful, printable incentive certificates, many specifically Islamic based. http://shop.grandmajeddah.com/Discipline-without-DisrespectingGood-Muslim-Certificates-e-book-128.htm

If they both achieve success with the home incentives, that’s not a problem. What I mean is that you don’t have to focus on finding something that your 6-year-old excels in that your 5-year-old doesn’t.  In fact, if you can find ways in which they can work together to achieve awards, that’s a positive thing, as well. This will take the focus off of competition and place it on cooperation, insha’Allah.

In addition to the above ideas, you can also do what the Prophet (saw) told us to do when we see someone who has more than us. Remind your son to look at the one below him. Mention to him some of the areas in which he excels others, including his brother (you don’t want to mention specifically that he is better than his brother, however.) This will help him to realize his own blessings, insha’Allah.

Keep in mind that your 6-year-old may continue to express his displeasure at not being at the top of his class like his younger brother. Some problems aren’t resolved overnight. Look at it more as a lifelong coping skill you are trying to instill in your son—how to be patient with jealous feelings, or feelings of inadequacy.

Regarding allowing your younger son to go to the outing, you should certainly allow him to go. He earned it, and he should be able to enjoy the success of his accomplishments.

Remember to regularly make dua asking Allah to guide you to the best solutions for managing your sons in this situation and others. 


Grandma Jeddah is the mother of 11 children and 13 grandchildren. She has taught hundreds of students for over 30 years at an Islamic school in Los Angeles, California.She is the author of, Discipline without Disrespecting: Discover the Hidden Secrets of How to Effectively Discipline Your Muslim Child--And Keep Your Peace of Mind while at It.  Order her e-books at:  http://www.grandmajeddah.com/

Sunday, August 7, 2016

Young son won’t be still in salat (By Grandma Jeddah)

Young son won’t be still in salat

Excerpt from-- 

Discipline Pearls

For Your Most
Challenging Discipline Problems

My husband takes my 5-year-old to the masjid with him sometimes for salat. My husband says that he always moves around and won’t be still in line. We want him to take salat seriously. How should we handle his restlessness during salat?
May Allah reward you for wanting to raise your son up to be conscientious of his prayers. I wouldn’t worry much about his moving around a lot in prayer. The Prophet (saw) said to have them begin praying at 7 years old, according to hadith.  He hasn’t matured to that level yet. Right now, he is simply being exposed to it, and that’s good. Let him enjoy making the prayer rather than making it something that he has to seriously adhere to.  This will help retain his desire to continue to go.  The Prophet (saw) was extremely lenient with his grandsons: There is a hadith in which the Prophet (saw) allowed his grandsons to climb on his back during salat while he was in sujud. (Bukhari)

Many children like to imitate their parents, so when your son sees you and your husband praying, he will likely develop a desire to begin imitating both of you, insha’Allah. Children take in and retain a lot of information through example during this time period. At this stage, he is learning mostly through example. Your sincere concern for prayer will likely transfer over to him, insha’Allah.





Grandma Jeddah is the mother of 11 children and 13 grandchildren. She has taught hundreds of students for over 30 years at an Islamic school in Los Angeles, California.She is the author of, Discipline without Disrespecting: Discover the Hidden Secrets of How to Effectively Discipline Your Muslim Child--And Keep Your Peace of Mind while at It.  Order her e-book or Subscribe to her free newsletter at --http://shop.grandmajeddah.com/  and  http://www.grandmajeddah.com/subscribe-page.html.

Tuesday, August 2, 2016

Young son becoming aggressive (By: Grandma Jeddah)

Young son becoming aggressive

Excerpt from-- 

Discipline Pearls

For Your Most
Challenging Discipline Problems


I have a 9-month-old and a 7-year-old. My problem is with my 7-year-old. His teacher is sending home letters about his behavior.  She said he is starting to talk back to her and that he is throwing tantrums. Last year he was such a good boy. What could be causing such a drastic change in his behavior at school?

I’m sorry to hear about the problem you are having with your son recently. The first thing I would suggest is talk to your son often during the school year.  Ask him, “How was school today?”  “What did you do in school today?”  “Did you have fun today?” “Did you have any problems in school today?”  And simply listen closely to his answers in a nonjudgmental way.  When you hear him talking about school to you on his own, stop and listen.  Try to “read-between-the-lines” to see if he’s complaining in any way about his teacher or classmates. By keeping the lines of communication open, you provide a valve for your son to release his frustrations and problems.  And you also become aware of any problems that you may need to tend to.

Does your son have the same teacher that he had last year?  If he has a different teacher this year, perhaps his relationship with the new teacher is not as good as it was with his former teacher.  Some teachers are actually better at getting along with children and encouraging them to learn than others.  If you find that your son has a different teacher and he significantly declines in his grades and behavior, it would be a good idea to keep in close contact with the teacher throughout the school year.  Don’t wait for report card day or parent teacher conferences to contact the teacher about your son’s progress.  Be proactive and check with her often to see how your son is doing.  Ask her what you can do to improve his behavior and grades. 

Also, if you get a chance, visit (or even better, volunteer) a few days a month in your son’s class to get firsthand experience as to how things are going in his classroom and how he is responding.  Be aware, however, that his behavior (and possibly the teacher’s) may not be the same as when you are not there.  This is normal when a guest visits the class.  Nevertheless, you will still get an idea of how the classroom is managed and see how your son is interacting with the teacher and others in his class.

Another cause of change in behavior could be that your son is being bullied in class at school by a classmate.  When children feel they are treated unfairly or are being threatened, sometimes they react with aggressive behavior themselves.  Your visits might pick up on this as well, if it is occurring.

You mentioned that you have a 9-month old. The addition of a new family member could also be a possible cause of change in behavior.  A new baby takes up much of the mother’s time.  Sometimes we are so busy trying to take care of everything that needs to be done we may forget or not realize that the older ones still need their personal time with us. They still need hugs, kisses, and reassurance. Maybe your son doesn’t know how to put into words that he wants you to give him more attention, so he acts out his uncomfortable feelings through misbehavior.
These are just a few of the possibilities that might be causing your son’s recalcitrant and aggressive behavior.

Probably the most immediate change you can make that might help your son is spending special time with him and reassuring him that he’s still your “baby”. Please visit my website.  You will find an excerpt of my original e-book Discipline without Disrespecting: Discover the Hidden Secrets of How to Effectively Discipline Your Muslim Child—And Keep Your Peace of Mind While at It.  The section on “Look at Me” provides simple things you can do with your child to give him attention and let him know you care and love him.
May Allah bless these ideas to be of benefit for you and your son. 



Grandma Jeddah is the mother of 11 children and 13 grandchildren. She has taught hundreds of students for over 30 years at an Islamic school in Los Angeles, California.She is the author of, Discipline without Disrespecting: Discover the Hidden Secrets of How to Effectively Discipline Your Muslim Child--And Keep Your Peace of Mind while at It.  Order her e-book or Subscribe to her free newsletter at --http://shop.grandmajeddah.com/  and  http://www.grandmajeddah.com/subscribe-page.html.
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