Tuesday, August 2, 2016

Young son becoming aggressive (By: Grandma Jeddah)

Young son becoming aggressive

Excerpt from-- 

Discipline Pearls

For Your Most
Challenging Discipline Problems


I have a 9-month-old and a 7-year-old. My problem is with my 7-year-old. His teacher is sending home letters about his behavior.  She said he is starting to talk back to her and that he is throwing tantrums. Last year he was such a good boy. What could be causing such a drastic change in his behavior at school?

I’m sorry to hear about the problem you are having with your son recently. The first thing I would suggest is talk to your son often during the school year.  Ask him, “How was school today?”  “What did you do in school today?”  “Did you have fun today?” “Did you have any problems in school today?”  And simply listen closely to his answers in a nonjudgmental way.  When you hear him talking about school to you on his own, stop and listen.  Try to “read-between-the-lines” to see if he’s complaining in any way about his teacher or classmates. By keeping the lines of communication open, you provide a valve for your son to release his frustrations and problems.  And you also become aware of any problems that you may need to tend to.

Does your son have the same teacher that he had last year?  If he has a different teacher this year, perhaps his relationship with the new teacher is not as good as it was with his former teacher.  Some teachers are actually better at getting along with children and encouraging them to learn than others.  If you find that your son has a different teacher and he significantly declines in his grades and behavior, it would be a good idea to keep in close contact with the teacher throughout the school year.  Don’t wait for report card day or parent teacher conferences to contact the teacher about your son’s progress.  Be proactive and check with her often to see how your son is doing.  Ask her what you can do to improve his behavior and grades. 

Also, if you get a chance, visit (or even better, volunteer) a few days a month in your son’s class to get firsthand experience as to how things are going in his classroom and how he is responding.  Be aware, however, that his behavior (and possibly the teacher’s) may not be the same as when you are not there.  This is normal when a guest visits the class.  Nevertheless, you will still get an idea of how the classroom is managed and see how your son is interacting with the teacher and others in his class.

Another cause of change in behavior could be that your son is being bullied in class at school by a classmate.  When children feel they are treated unfairly or are being threatened, sometimes they react with aggressive behavior themselves.  Your visits might pick up on this as well, if it is occurring.

You mentioned that you have a 9-month old. The addition of a new family member could also be a possible cause of change in behavior.  A new baby takes up much of the mother’s time.  Sometimes we are so busy trying to take care of everything that needs to be done we may forget or not realize that the older ones still need their personal time with us. They still need hugs, kisses, and reassurance. Maybe your son doesn’t know how to put into words that he wants you to give him more attention, so he acts out his uncomfortable feelings through misbehavior.
These are just a few of the possibilities that might be causing your son’s recalcitrant and aggressive behavior.

Probably the most immediate change you can make that might help your son is spending special time with him and reassuring him that he’s still your “baby”. Please visit my website.  You will find an excerpt of my original e-book Discipline without Disrespecting: Discover the Hidden Secrets of How to Effectively Discipline Your Muslim Child—And Keep Your Peace of Mind While at It.  The section on “Look at Me” provides simple things you can do with your child to give him attention and let him know you care and love him.
May Allah bless these ideas to be of benefit for you and your son. 



Grandma Jeddah is the mother of 11 children and 13 grandchildren. She has taught hundreds of students for over 30 years at an Islamic school in Los Angeles, California.She is the author of, Discipline without Disrespecting: Discover the Hidden Secrets of How to Effectively Discipline Your Muslim Child--And Keep Your Peace of Mind while at It.  Order her e-book or Subscribe to her free newsletter at --http://shop.grandmajeddah.com/  and  http://www.grandmajeddah.com/subscribe-page.html.
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