Excerpt from-- 

Discipline Pearls

For Your Most

Challenging Discipline Problems

6-year-old son bullied at school

Some of the children at my son’s school are bullying him and I don’t know how to handle it. I told him yesterday that we will go for a haircut today and he vehemently protested, almost to the point of tears. So I sat him down and asked why he didn’t want his hair cut. His first reason was that it made him feel cold especially after making wudu. His second was that some boys—4 of them—chased him and hit him on the head. They refuse to stop when he asks them to and then they laugh when he cries. I felt sorry for him but what to do? How to handle it? I thought of either telling their mothers or their teachers but that might just make the situation worse for him.

I’m sorry to hear about the problem you are having with your son being bullied. No one wants to know that their child is being mistreated. Hearing this from your son can be distressing. May Allah reward you for seeking out positive ways of trying to handle what your son is experiencing. May Allah guide you to the best solutions and resolve the problem for you.

Commend your son for coming to you with his problem. You want him to continue confiding in you with his problems as he gets older. This will allow you to develop an amicable and constructive relationship with him that will be extremely beneficial during his adolescent and teen years, insha’Allah.  Listen with concern, and understanding.  Be supportive. Avoid overreacting, as this can cause your son to become hesitant in confiding in you in the future. It seems from your letter that you are responding to your son’s problem in a constructive manner.

Here are several suggestions to help your son with bullying:

First, let your son’s teacher know about what your child is telling you. Your concern that the bullying may get worse is a legitimate one. However, making the teacher aware is still preferable for several reasons. First, you can find out if there is another side to the story. This is not to imply that your son is not telling the truth. Perhaps the children start out playing and then end up becoming to rough or some other scenario exists that isn’t clearly bullying behavior.  Or, the situation could simply be just as your son described. If the teacher is aware of the situation and has observed interactions between your son and the other boys, this will give you a more in depth understanding regarding the bullying situation, thus, lead you to ways of dealing with your son’s problem.

Second, if the teacher is unaware of the bullying, then your informing her can help eliminate or at least minimize the bullying. Once the teacher has been informed of the problem, she can then implement strategies to resolve the problem.

After informing the teacher, periodically ask your son how things are going at school in an attempt to elicit information about the bullying. In a casual way you can even ask him if the boys are still bullying him. If it is continuing, speak with the teacher again. If this brings little change, talk with the principal. Inform him that you talked to the teacher about your son’s bullying problem, but it’s still continuing and what should you do now.

There are also a few things you can do to help your son self-manage the bullying behavior to some degree, insha’Allah.

Teach him how to be assertive. When his school mates hit him, tell him to speak firmly and loudly “Stop! I don’t like that.” or “I’m not playing anymore.” Or “No, stop that!” You can have coaching sessions at home in which you role play the bully and bullied, teaching your son words and phrases to use when he is being bullied.

Also tell him it’s OK and even encouraged to tell authority figures at school about his being teased or hit. Tell him to inform his teacher, the yard-duty aid, or whichever adult can take care of the situation. It’s harder to be a bully when you’re being observed by school personnel.

Remind your son to avoid playing with or being around the boys that are bullying him. Encourage him to find friends he can be with who don’t treat him mean. Encourage him to stay with these friends at recess or after school. Bullies are less likely to bully when their intended victim is in a group.

Another helpful thing you can do is enroll your son in martial arts. Knowing self defense techniques can help build self-esteem which can help your son carry himself in a more assertive and confident manner. In addition, it can give him the skills he needs to fight back, if needed.

Also, if not cutting your son’s hair will help eliminate him from appearing different around his pears that are bullying, then you might opt out of giving him a haircut. Sometimes bullies pick on children that are different. Not all children can change their “differences.” But some differences can be changed or avoided. Where to draw the line on conceding to conforming behavior is a personal decision.

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Grandma Jeddah is the mother of 11 children and 13 grandchildren. She has taught hundreds of students for over 30 years at an Islamic school in Los Angeles, California.She is the author of, Discipline without Disrespecting: Discover the Hidden Secrets of How to Effectively Discipline Your Muslim Child--And Keep Your Peace of Mind while at It.  Order her e-book or Subscribe to her free newsletter at --http://shop.grandmajeddah.com/  and  http://www.grandmajeddah.com/subscribe-page.html