Husband not Receptive to no-hitting (By:Grandma Jeddah)

My husband is not very receptive to the types of respectful discipline methods you mention in your e-book. How can I get him to change his ways of hitting our 4-year-old whenever he misbehaves?

Don’t give up on trying to be a good example for your husband.  Insha’Allah, as he observes you implementing your new discipline approach and sees the positive outcomes, he will become more receptive. You might be interested in picking up a copy of an excellent book for your husband.  It’s called Parenting in the West, an Islamic Perspective. It’s written by a doctor and his wife, Dr. Ekram and Dr. Mohamed Rida Beshir.  It presents great material on parenting with patience, understanding, and alternatives to hitting.  It’s a hard copy and written by a brother, so he may be more receptive to it, insha’Allah.  In the mean time, continue your efforts and dua.  Allah has Power over all things. 

This is an excerpt from Grandma Jeddah's e-book 67 Discipline Pearls for Your Most Challenging Discipline Problems. Order your copy today at www.grandmajeddah.com 

Grandma Jeddah is the mother of 11 children and 16 grandchildren. She has taught hundreds of students for over 30 years at an Islamic school in Los Angeles, California. She has written dozens of articles for Muslim magazines, newspapers and blogs.  She is the author of, Discipline without Disrespecting: Discover the Hidden Secrets of How to Effectively Discipline Your Muslim Child--And Keep Your Peace of Mind while at It.  Order her e-books at:  http://www.grandmajeddah.com/

7-year-old Daughter talks back (By: Grandma Jeddah)

.  7-year-old Daughter talks back

My 7-year-old is giving me a lot of back talk and wants to have her way despite my instructions to the contrary. She also has an overabundance of energy.  I would not label her hyperactive but fairly close.

Use the star chart system; it works wonders! Children similar to your daughter who exhibit signs of hyperactivity respond very favorably to positive reinforcement. First, explain to your daughter how the star chart system works. Let her know that it’s a new way you’ve found to help her do things you want her to do. Then, periodically when you notice that you have corrected her or directed her to do something and she doesn’t talk back, tell her she has a star for not talking back, and place a star on her chart. On occasions that she does back-talk, remove a star from her chart. When she receives 10 stars, allow her a special privilege, buy her a desired gift, or treat her to something special that she would like, insha’Allah.

The hardest part of this system is remaining consistent in seeking out the times that your daughter is avoiding back-talk. Parents tend to respond when their child misbehaves rather than when the child behaves appropriately. If you neglect to seek out times when your daughter is not talking back and react only when she does give you back-talk, you are less inclined to have success with this discipline method.

Also, remember to teach and explain to your daughter exactly how you want her to talk to you. Let her know that you want her to talk to you in a respectful tone, then model that tone for her.

Try this with your daughter for back-talk: give her options that she can use as an alternative to talking back to you. For instance, if you’ve told her to take a bath and get ready for bed and she doesn’t want to, let her know that it’s OK for her to let you know  her wishes—but she must inform you in a respectful tone. “Mommy, may I take my bath later?”  With consistency, I think you’ll find great success with these methods, insha’Allah. 

This is an excerpt from Grandma Jeddah's e-book 67 Discipline Pearls for Your Most Challenging Discipline Problems. Order your copy today at www.grandmajeddah.com 

Grandma Jeddah is the mother of 11 children and 16 grandchildren. She has taught hundreds of students for over 30 years at an Islamic school in Los Angeles, California. She has written dozens of articles for Muslim magazines, newspapers and blogs.  She is the author of, Discipline without Disrespecting: Discover the Hidden Secrets of How to Effectively Discipline Your Muslim Child--And Keep Your Peace of Mind while at It.  Order her e-books at:  http://www.grandmajeddah.com/

BITTERSWEET: A SPIRITUAL PERSPECTIVE ON SPECIAL NEEDS PARENTING (From: Muslim Matters)

BITTERSWEET: A SPIRITUAL PERSPECTIVE ON SPECIAL NEEDS PARENTING

"I didn’t do a very good job at first, I would yell at him to lay down, and he would become scared and cry. So I would yell more, and he would scream, and I would yell more, and it would escalate until he would be shaking with fear and I with rage and at some point it occurred to me that my own son was genuinely terrified and couldn’t understand why he was being yelled out. And then, Allah gave me sabr, and then a diagnosis, and then the understanding that Khalid wasn’t disobeying, he just had no idea what was going on."

Please click here to read more

https://muslimmatters.org/2010/07/21/bittersweet-a-spiritual-perspective-on-special-needs-parenting/

Young son won’t be still in salat (By: Grandma Jeddah)

27.  Young son won’t be still in salat

My husband takes my 5-year-old to the masjid with him sometimes for salat. My husband says that he always moves around and won’t be still in line. We want him to take salat seriously. How should we handle his restlessness during salat?

May Allah reward you for wanting to raise your son up to be conscientious of his prayers. I wouldn’t worry much about his moving around a lot in prayer. The Prophet (saw) said to have them begin praying at 7 years old, according to hadith.  He hasn’t matured to that level yet. Right now, he is simply being exposed to it, and that’s good. Let him enjoy making the prayer rather than making it something that he has to seriously adhere to.  This will help retain his desire to continue to go.  The Prophet (saw) was extremely lenient with his grandsons: There is a hadith in which the Prophet (saw) allowed his grandsons to climb on his back during salat while he was in sujud. (Bukhari)

Many children like to imitate their parents, so when your son sees you and your husband praying, he will likely develop a desire to begin imitating both of you, insha’Allah. Children take in and retain a lot of information through example during this time period. At this stage, he is learning mostly through example. Your sincere concern for prayer will likely transfer over to him, insha’Allah.

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This is an excerpt from Grandma Jeddah's e-book 67 Discipline Pearls for Your Most Challenging Discipline Problems. Order your copy today at www.grandmajeddah.com 

Grandma Jeddah is the mother of 11 children and 16 grandchildren. She has taught hundreds of students for over 30 years at an Islamic school in Los Angeles, California. She has written dozens of articles for Muslim magazines, newspapers and blogs.  She is the author of, Discipline without Disrespecting: Discover the Hidden Secrets of How to Effectively Discipline Your Muslim Child--And Keep Your Peace of Mind while at It.  Order her e-books at:  http://www.grandmajeddah.com/

How to make 1-on-1- time with 3 kids (By: Grandma Jeddah)

I have 3 boys, and I’m homeschooling them, so I’m finding it hard to give them 1-on-1 time. How do I find time to give each one the personal time he needs?

May Allah reward you for seeking ways to spend more personal time with your sons. Spending quality as well as quantity time with your children is important for their proper development.

Take comfort in knowing that by homeschooling your boys, you give them 1-on-1 attention, even if you don’t realize it. When teaching your soon to be 6-year-old how to write his letters, much of the practice involves your holding and guiding his hand, close-up contact with him, and continuous verbal direction and reinforcement. The same goes for when you’re helping your 3-year-old put his puzzles together. Even though you may be teaching them at the same time and nursing the littlest one, they are still getting personal attention from you.

Pat yourself on the back that you have chosen homeschooling as a method of teaching your sons. It is an educational method that allows them to have frequent contact and interaction with you. These crucial developmental years cannot be replaced once your sons have aged beyond them. And you are providing your kids with optimum attention from you as they move through this growth period.

The following suggestions are probably more closely related to what you are seeking in your question. One way of spending more 1-on-1 time with individual children is by making dates with them. Once a week you can schedule an outing with each child. Have Dad watch the other two while you go on a 30 to 45 minute outing with one of the boys. It doesn’t have to be anything elaborate. How about a visit to the park to play on the swings and slide for a few minutes? You can take a trip to the market with one of your sons to pick up some items for dinner. Be sure to let him pick out something special for himself and the other two siblings back at home. He’ll feel important for doing it. A walk around the corner can add up to 1-on-1 time together, as well.

The thing to remember with whatever outing you choose is to conversate with your child on the way to and back from your excursions. Talk about him, you, Allah, what you see on the way, whatever comes to your mind. Use that as a time to answer all of his back-to-back questions, with no frustration in your tone, only concern for your time together.

You can also use periods of activity at home to your advantage. During bath time, use those 5 to 10 minutes to smile, laugh, joke and play with one child at a time. Splash the water; let him feel with his fingers the extremes between warm and cold water; let the warm water rush down his back. Talk to him about which story he wants you to read to him after he’s slipped on his pajamas. Use your imagination for conversation and interaction ideas.

How about when you’re washing dishes? Let them take turns each day sitting on the counter to talk with you while you wash. What about when you’re baking a cake? Let one stir while the other counts to 10, then exchange their positions.

Play with them in turn. Play pony back ride. Get on your knees and ride each one to the other end of the room and back. Then let another child have a turn.

During story time at bedtime, have your kids take turns sitting on your lap for their story to be read. Or if only one story is read per night, let them take turns each night sitting on your lap.

Spending one-on-one needn’t amount to large blocks of time. Short spurts of 1-on-1 attention can be productive, as well.

I wouldn’t be too concerned about neglecting to give your sons 1-on-1 attention. The fact that you’re homeschooling them as well as seeking out ways to become a better parent show you’re doing a great job at trying to fulfill your sons’ needs, and Allahu Alim.

May Allah bless you to raise all your children up as good Muslims and bless your children to be blessings for you and your family in this world and the hereafter.

This is an excerpt from Grandma Jeddah's e-book 67 Discipline Pearls for Your Most Challenging Discipline Problems. Order your copy today at www.grandmajeddah.com 

Grandma Jeddah is the mother of 11 children and 16 grandchildren. She has taught hundreds of students for over 30 years at an Islamic school in Los Angeles, California. She has written dozens of articles for Muslim magazines, newspapers and blogs.  She is the author of, Discipline without Disrespecting: Discover the Hidden Secrets of How to Effectively Discipline Your Muslim Child--And Keep Your Peace of Mind while at It.  Order her e-books at:  http://www.grandmajeddah.com/

Using multiple goals for incentive chart (by: Grandma Jeddah)

Using multiple goals for incentive chart

I’d like to use the star chart incentive system with my 7-year-old daughter who shows signs of hyperactivity.  If there are a couple of areas to work on, is it better to work on one issue at a time or tackle them all at once?

It depends on the particular child you are dealing with and what behavior goals you are trying to work on.  Consider your 7-year-old daughter, for instance.  Determine whether or not she is likely to be successful if she has more than one goal to work on. You mentioned that she is fairly close to being hyperactive. Some children who are hyperactive can have difficulty staying focused. Having several behavior goals to focus on at one time might be a bit much for such children. This is particularly the case if the goals are challenges that take a lot of mental and emotional effort to overcome. For instance, if you want her to work on talking respectfully, following instructions promptly, and controlling her angry feelings around her younger siblings, these goals in unison might be overwhelming for her.  Initially, they would probably be best worked on individually. After you begin seeing success with one goal, then add another.

However, goals that don’t demand much of your child emotionally might be OK to work on simultaneously, for example, washing her hands before eating, saying Bismillah before eating, or finishing her homework as soon as she gets home from school. So, in essence, what I’m saying is that it depends on the child and the goals to be achieved.

This is an excerpt from Grandma Jeddah's e-book 67 Discipline Pearls for Your Most Challenging Discipline Problems. Order your copy today at www.grandmajeddah.com 

Grandma Jeddah is the mother of 11 children and 16 grandchildren. She has taught hundreds of students for over 30 years at an Islamic school in Los Angeles, California. She has written dozens of articles for Muslim magazines, newspapers and blogs.  She is the author of, Discipline without Disrespecting: Discover the Hidden Secrets of How to Effectively Discipline Your Muslim Child--And Keep Your Peace of Mind while at It.  Order her e-books at:  http://www.grandmajeddah.com/

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Grandma Jeddah is the mother of 11 children and 13 grandchildren. She has taught hundreds of students for over 30 years at an Islamic school in Los Angeles, California. Let her show you how respectful discipline methods, which encourage calmness, advising, gentleness and non-corporal consequences, can be a successful means of training  your children to be Allah fearing Muslims. Subscribe to her free newsletter at --http://www.grandmajeddah.com  

A Muslim Child and no Less (By Grandma Jeddah)

A Muslim Child and no Less

By Grandma Jeddah

Without doubt, educating our young ones is an important part of our religion. For many, the most admired and respected academic skill to teach our children is reading. But what about the child who is dyslexic? What about the child that has a severe learning disability?  What about the child that will never be able to read beyond fourth grade because he has a cognitive disability?

For these children, we must first acknowledge that not all children are the same. Some excel in social skills, others in academics, and then others in creativity. We must remember to be sensitive to those of our children who are square pegs in a round environment. For some of us, certain of our children will not be able to earn higher-level degrees. And that is OK.

We must find other areas of interest and ability to build their self worth. As parents, this is our responsibility. Children with lower capacities to achieve academically are especially in need of nurturing, kindness, and direction in life.

Hadith and Quran frequently refer to lowering our wing for those who are less capable in society: orphans, widows, the poor.

Make a special effort today to let your square child know that you love him or  her and are proud of them because they are who they are—your Muslim child.