Young son becoming aggressive (By: Grandma Jeddah)

Young son becoming aggressive

Excerpt from-- 

Discipline Pearls

For Your Most

Challenging Discipline Problems

I have a 9-month-old and a 7-year-old. My problem is with my 7-year-old. His teacher is sending home letters about his behavior.  She said he is starting to talk back to her and that he is throwing tantrums. Last year he was such a good boy. What could be causing such a drastic change in his behavior at school?

I’m sorry to hear about the problem you are having with your son recently. The first thing I would suggest is talk to your son often during the school year.  Ask him, “How was school today?”  “What did you do in school today?”  “Did you have fun today?” “Did you have any problems in school today?”  And simply listen closely to his answers in a nonjudgmental way.  When you hear him talking about school to you on his own, stop and listen.  Try to “read-between-the-lines” to see if he’s complaining in any way about his teacher or classmates. By keeping the lines of communication open, you provide a valve for your son to release his frustrations and problems.  And you also become aware of any problems that you may need to tend to.

Does your son have the same teacher that he had last year?  If he has a different teacher this year, perhaps his relationship with the new teacher is not as good as it was with his former teacher.  Some teachers are actually better at getting along with children and encouraging them to learn than others.  If you find that your son has a different teacher and he significantly declines in his grades and behavior, it would be a good idea to keep in close contact with the teacher throughout the school year.  Don’t wait for report card day or parent teacher conferences to contact the teacher about your son’s progress.  Be proactive and check with her often to see how your son is doing.  Ask her what you can do to improve his behavior and grades. 

Also, if you get a chance, visit (or even better, volunteer) a few days a month in your son’s class to get firsthand experience as to how things are going in his classroom and how he is responding.  Be aware, however, that his behavior (and possibly the teacher’s) may not be the same as when you are not there.  This is normal when a guest visits the class.  Nevertheless, you will still get an idea of how the classroom is managed and see how your son is interacting with the teacher and others in his class.

Another cause of change in behavior could be that your son is being bullied in class at school by a classmate.  When children feel they are treated unfairly or are being threatened, sometimes they react with aggressive behavior themselves.  Your visits might pick up on this as well, if it is occurring.

You mentioned that you have a 9-month old. The addition of a new family member could also be a possible cause of change in behavior.  A new baby takes up much of the mother’s time.  Sometimes we are so busy trying to take care of everything that needs to be done we may forget or not realize that the older ones still need their personal time with us. They still need hugs, kisses, and reassurance. Maybe your son doesn’t know how to put into words that he wants you to give him more attention, so he acts out his uncomfortable feelings through misbehavior.

These are just a few of the possibilities that might be causing your son’s recalcitrant and aggressive behavior.

Probably the most immediate change you can make that might help your son is spending special time with him and reassuring him that he’s still your “baby”. Please visit my website.  You will find an excerpt of my original e-book Discipline without Disrespecting: Discover the Hidden Secrets of How to Effectively Discipline Your Muslim Child—And Keep Your Peace of Mind While at It.  The section on “Look at Me” provides simple things you can do with your child to give him attention and let him know you care and love him.

May Allah bless these ideas to be of benefit for you and your son. 

Order and read the entire book today, insha'Allah at: http://grandmajeddah.com/Discipline-Pearls-For-Your-Most-Challenging-Discipline-Problems-136.htm

Grandma Jeddah is the mother of 11 children and 13 grandchildren. She has taught hundreds of students for over 30 years at an Islamic school in Los Angeles, California.She is the author of, Discipline without Disrespecting: Discover the Hidden Secrets of How to Effectively Discipline Your Muslim Child--And Keep Your Peace of Mind while at It.  Order her e-book or Subscribe to her free newsletter at --http://shop.grandmajeddah.com/  and  http://www.grandmajeddah.com/subscribe-page.html.

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Mother can’t stick with respectful discipline (By Grandma Jeddah)

Mother can’t stick with respectful discipline

Excerpt from-- 

Discipline Pearls

For Your Most

Challenging Discipline Problems

I’ve been reading your book Discipline without Disrespecting. I try to put into practice some of your suggestions, but then I keep going back to the way I’m used to disciplining my kids. How do I get myself to be consistent with your methods?

Don’t stress too much over not maintaining a positive approach. Simply do the best you can and never give up. It took me years to make my new parenting habits second nature. It
takes a lot of patience to maintain composure when your child is doing something that upsets you. Remember that patience is something that is developed over time. Ask Allah to bless you with patience, without difficulty or trial. And read Quran regularly—Allah mentions often in the Quran the reward of being patient. Also, continue reading parenting resources on how to discipline more effectively. This will keep you motivated and focused, insha’Allah

Order and read the entire book today, insha'Allah at: http://grandmajeddah.com/Discipline-Pearls-For-Your-Most-Challenging-Discipline-Problems-136.htm

Grandma Jeddah is the mother of 11 children and 13 grandchildren. She has taught hundreds of students for over 30 years at an Islamic school in Los Angeles, California.She is the author of, Discipline without Disrespecting: Discover the Hidden Secrets of How to Effectively Discipline Your Muslim Child--And Keep Your Peace of Mind while at It.  Order her e-book or Subscribe to her free newsletter at --http://shop.grandmajeddah.com/  and  http://www.grandmajeddah.com/subscribe-page.html.

Is Your Child Being Bullied at School? By Grandma Jeddah

Excerpt from-- 

Discipline Pearls

For Your Most

Challenging Discipline Problems

6-year-old son bullied at school

Some of the children at my son’s school are bullying him and I don’t know how to handle it. I told him yesterday that we will go for a haircut today and he vehemently protested, almost to the point of tears. So I sat him down and asked why he didn’t want his hair cut. His first reason was that it made him feel cold especially after making wudu. His second was that some boys—4 of them—chased him and hit him on the head. They refuse to stop when he asks them to and then they laugh when he cries. I felt sorry for him but what to do? How to handle it? I thought of either telling their mothers or their teachers but that might just make the situation worse for him.

I’m sorry to hear about the problem you are having with your son being bullied. No one wants to know that their child is being mistreated. Hearing this from your son can be distressing. May Allah reward you for seeking out positive ways of trying to handle what your son is experiencing. May Allah guide you to the best solutions and resolve the problem for you.

Commend your son for coming to you with his problem. You want him to continue confiding in you with his problems as he gets older. This will allow you to develop an amicable and constructive relationship with him that will be extremely beneficial during his adolescent and teen years, insha’Allah.  Listen with concern, and understanding.  Be supportive. Avoid overreacting, as this can cause your son to become hesitant in confiding in you in the future. It seems from your letter that you are responding to your son’s problem in a constructive manner.

Here are several suggestions to help your son with bullying:

First, let your son’s teacher know about what your child is telling you. Your concern that the bullying may get worse is a legitimate one. However, making the teacher aware is still preferable for several reasons. First, you can find out if there is another side to the story. This is not to imply that your son is not telling the truth. Perhaps the children start out playing and then end up becoming to rough or some other scenario exists that isn’t clearly bullying behavior.  Or, the situation could simply be just as your son described. If the teacher is aware of the situation and has observed interactions between your son and the other boys, this will give you a more in depth understanding regarding the bullying situation, thus, lead you to ways of dealing with your son’s problem.

Second, if the teacher is unaware of the bullying, then your informing her can help eliminate or at least minimize the bullying. Once the teacher has been informed of the problem, she can then implement strategies to resolve the problem.

After informing the teacher, periodically ask your son how things are going at school in an attempt to elicit information about the bullying. In a casual way you can even ask him if the boys are still bullying him. If it is continuing, speak with the teacher again. If this brings little change, talk with the principal. Inform him that you talked to the teacher about your son’s bullying problem, but it’s still continuing and what should you do now.

There are also a few things you can do to help your son self-manage the bullying behavior to some degree, insha’Allah.

Teach him how to be assertive. When his school mates hit him, tell him to speak firmly and loudly “Stop! I don’t like that.” or “I’m not playing anymore.” Or “No, stop that!” You can have coaching sessions at home in which you role play the bully and bullied, teaching your son words and phrases to use when he is being bullied.

Also tell him it’s OK and even encouraged to tell authority figures at school about his being teased or hit. Tell him to inform his teacher, the yard-duty aid, or whichever adult can take care of the situation. It’s harder to be a bully when you’re being observed by school personnel.

Remind your son to avoid playing with or being around the boys that are bullying him. Encourage him to find friends he can be with who don’t treat him mean. Encourage him to stay with these friends at recess or after school. Bullies are less likely to bully when their intended victim is in a group.

Another helpful thing you can do is enroll your son in martial arts. Knowing self defense techniques can help build self-esteem which can help your son carry himself in a more assertive and confident manner. In addition, it can give him the skills he needs to fight back, if needed.

Also, if not cutting your son’s hair will help eliminate him from appearing different around his pears that are bullying, then you might opt out of giving him a haircut. Sometimes bullies pick on children that are different. Not all children can change their “differences.” But some differences can be changed or avoided. Where to draw the line on conceding to conforming behavior is a personal decision.

Order and read the entire book today, insha'Allah at: http://grandmajeddah.com/Discipline-Pearls-For-Your-Most-Challenging-Discipline-Problems-136.htm

Grandma Jeddah is the mother of 11 children and 13 grandchildren. She has taught hundreds of students for over 30 years at an Islamic school in Los Angeles, California.She is the author of, Discipline without Disrespecting: Discover the Hidden Secrets of How to Effectively Discipline Your Muslim Child--And Keep Your Peace of Mind while at It.  Order her e-book or Subscribe to her free newsletter at --http://shop.grandmajeddah.com/  and  http://www.grandmajeddah.com/subscribe-page.html

Excerpt from-- 

Discipline Pearls

For Your Most

Challenging Discipline Problems

6-year-old son bullied at school

Some of the children at my son’s school are bullying him and I don’t know how to handle it. I told him yesterday that we will go for a haircut today and he vehemently protested, almost to the point of tears. So I sat him down and asked why he didn’t want his hair cut. His first reason was that it made him feel cold especially after making wudu. His second was that some boys—4 of them—chased him and hit him on the head. They refuse to stop when he asks them to and then they laugh when he cries. I felt sorry for him but what to do? How to handle it? I thought of either telling their mothers or their teachers but that might just make the situation worse for him.

I’m sorry to hear about the problem you are having with your son being bullied. No one wants to know that their child is being mistreated. Hearing this from your son can be distressing. May Allah reward you for seeking out positive ways of trying to handle what your son is experiencing. May Allah guide you to the best solutions and resolve the problem for you.

Commend your son for coming to you with his problem. You want him to continue confiding in you with his problems as he gets older. This will allow you to develop an amicable and constructive relationship with him that will be extremely beneficial during his adolescent and teen years, insha’Allah.  Listen with concern, and understanding.  Be supportive. Avoid overreacting, as this can cause your son to become hesitant in confiding in you in the future. It seems from your letter that you are responding to your son’s problem in a constructive manner.

Here are several suggestions to help your son with bullying:

First, let your son’s teacher know about what your child is telling you. Your concern that the bullying may get worse is a legitimate one. However, making the teacher aware is still preferable for several reasons. First, you can find out if there is another side to the story. This is not to imply that your son is not telling the truth. Perhaps the children start out playing and then end up becoming to rough or some other scenario exists that isn’t clearly bullying behavior.  Or, the situation could simply be just as your son described. If the teacher is aware of the situation and has observed interactions between your son and the other boys, this will give you a more in depth understanding regarding the bullying situation, thus, lead you to ways of dealing with your son’s problem.

Second, if the teacher is unaware of the bullying, then your informing her can help eliminate or at least minimize the bullying. Once the teacher has been informed of the problem, she can then implement strategies to resolve the problem.

After informing the teacher, periodically ask your son how things are going at school in an attempt to elicit information about the bullying. In a casual way you can even ask him if the boys are still bullying him. If it is continuing, speak with the teacher again. If this brings little change, talk with the principal. Inform him that you talked to the teacher about your son’s bullying problem, but it’s still continuing and what should you do now.

There are also a few things you can do to help your son self-manage the bullying behavior to some degree, insha’Allah.

Teach him how to be assertive. When his school mates hit him, tell him to speak firmly and loudly “Stop! I don’t like that.” or “I’m not playing anymore.” Or “No, stop that!” You can have coaching sessions at home in which you role play the bully and bullied, teaching your son words and phrases to use when he is being bullied.

Also tell him it’s OK and even encouraged to tell authority figures at school about his being teased or hit. Tell him to inform his teacher, the yard-duty aid, or whichever adult can take care of the situation. It’s harder to be a bully when you’re being observed by school personnel.

Remind your son to avoid playing with or being around the boys that are bullying him. Encourage him to find friends he can be with who don’t treat him mean. Encourage him to stay with these friends at recess or after school. Bullies are less likely to bully when their intended victim is in a group.

Another helpful thing you can do is enroll your son in martial arts. Knowing self defense techniques can help build self-esteem which can help your son carry himself in a more assertive and confident manner. In addition, it can give him the skills he needs to fight back, if needed.

Also, if not cutting your son’s hair will help eliminate him from appearing different around his pears that are bullying, then you might opt out of giving him a haircut. Sometimes bullies pick on children that are different. Not all children can change their “differences.” But some differences can be changed or avoided. Where to draw the line on conceding to conforming behavior is a personal decision.

Order and read the entire book today, insha'Allah at: http://grandmajeddah.com/Discipline-Pearls-For-Your-Most-Challenging-Discipline-Problems-136.htm

Grandma Jeddah is the mother of 11 children and 13 grandchildren. She has taught hundreds of students for over 30 years at an Islamic school in Los Angeles, California.She is the author of, Discipline without Disrespecting: Discover the Hidden Secrets of How to Effectively Discipline Your Muslim Child--And Keep Your Peace of Mind while at It.  Order her e-book or Subscribe to her free newsletter at --http://shop.grandmajeddah.com/  and  http://www.grandmajeddah.com/subscribe-page.html

Be a Very Good Muslim to Your Children (By Grandma Jeddah)

Be a Very Good Muslim to Your Children

Narrated Abu Musa “Some people asked Allah’s Apostle, “Whose Islam is the best? i.e. (who is a very good Muslim?”He replied, “One who avoids harming the Muslims with his tongue and hands. (Bukhari)

https://islamiclifestylemagazine.wordpress.com/2013/04/05/be-a-very-good-muslim-to-your-children-by-grandma-jeddah/

Grandma Jeddah has something for you

Free Helpful Guides Mailed to Your Home 

If you live in California, Grandma Jeddah will mail you free courtesy copies of legal guides for your newly adult children or your elderly parents. You can order The California Bar Association's guide, "When You Turn 18: A Survival Guide for Teenagers" or The National Institute of Aging's guide "Seniors and the Law:A Guide for Maturing Californians". To receive your courtesy copy, please leave your contact information in Grandma Jeddah's email: CourtFormHelp@gmail.com

We are not attorneys and do not provide legal advice.We are a low-cost legal form preparation service.

R.M. Quarels, LDA
R.M.Quarels Legal Form Help
legal document preparation service
Tel: (323) 900-9837      

Email: CourtFormHelp@gmail.com

http://legalformhelp.weebly.com

The Prophet, (s.a.w.s.) said, "Abusing a Muslim is a sin, and killing him is disbelief." (Bukhari and Muslim)

You’ve seen the headlines: Mother Kills Children for “Talking Back”, Spanked to Death in the Name of God, Mom Charged with Murder of 5-year-Old Son--Beats Child to Death because He Broke the TV. ¹

These are clear examples of children who have been abused and oppressed by their parents. But what about the more subtle forms of abuse and oppression that a parent may place upon her child? As we try our best to raise our children and guide them to do what’s right, we must re-examine ourselves to make sure that we discipline within the realm of Islam.

What is this realm you may ask? There are varying opinions as to what extent we can discipline our children in Islam. Some scholars suggest it’s completely forbidden to hit our children when they’re under the age of ten.2 Others allow it for this age group as well as older children. But a unifying thread that you will find amongst both opinions is the following:

Ø Children should not be hit in the face.

Ø Children should not be hit severely (cutting of skin, breaking of bones or teeth).

Ø Children should not be verbally abused.

Ø Children should not receive more than ten smacks.

Ø Hitting should be a last resort.

Ø Hitting should be done lightly.3

Of course none of us is perfect. We may fall into error at times when it comes to correcting our children, but this does not excuse us from possibly having to be held accountable for mistreating them. We might even get away with our behavior in this world, but what about in the hereafter. Begin taking an account of the way in which you treat your child.

And when you find at times that you may have been excessive in your child’s disciplining, how about telling your child you’re sorry. Exactly, say “I’m sorry.” Why . . . you may ask? First of all, it helps you to be responsible for your improper actions. In addition, saying “I’m sorry,” teaches your child that you make mistakes, too, but you try to make up for them. It also teaches your child to make apologies when he has done something wrong to others. Another reason is it lets your child know that he didn’t deserve to be treated in such a fashion. 

Grandma Jeddah is the mother of 11 children and 13 grandchildren. She has taught hundreds of students for over 30 years at an Islamic school in Los Angeles, California.She is the author of, Discipline without Disrespecting: Discover the Hidden Secrets of How to Effectively Discipline Your Muslim Child--And Keep Your Peace of Mind while at It.  Order her e-book or Subscribe to her free newsletter at --http://shop.grandmajeddah.com/  and  http://www.grandmajeddah.com/subscribe-page.html

Does Your Disabled Adult Child Need Your Help?

Free Help
At no cost, Grandma Jeddah now assists CAREGIVERS of adult children with disabilities, as well as caregivers of aging parents in forming a Medical Power of Attorney, Financial Power of Attorney, or Islamic Last Will. For more detailed information please visit http://legalformhelp.weebly.com/

R.M. Quarels Legal Form Help was established to provide an affordable alternative to expensive lawyer fees that pro per (self-represented) individuals are unable to afford when completing their legal forms.

Ms. Quarels is a Legal Document Assistant (LDA) who attended USC, received her Associate of Arts degree at Los Angeles Trade Technical College, and earned her American Bar Association approved Paralegal Certificate at West Los Angeles Community College with a GPA of 3.9. She has worked with attorneys on matters  including landlord/tenant laws,  non-profit creation, trademarks, and legal research. She also has experience as a volunteer at the FAME Legal Clinic in Los Angeles, assisting low-income clients.

R.M. Quarels, LDA
R.M.Quarels Legal Form Help
legal document preparation service
Tel: (323) 900-9837      

Email: CourtFormHelp@gmail.com

http://legalformhelp.weebly.com

Be a Very Good Muslim to Your Children by: Grandma Jeddah

Be a Very Good Muslim to Your Children by: Grandma Jeddah

Narrated Abu Musa “Some people asked Allah’s Apostle, “Whose Islam is the best? i.e. (who is a very good Muslim?”He replied, “One who avoids harming the Muslims with his tongue and hands. (Bukhari)

https://islamiclifestylemagazine.wordpress.com/2013/04/05/be-a-very-good-muslim-to-your-children-by-grandma-jeddah/

Grandma Jeddah is the mother of 11 children and 13 grandchildren. She has taught hundreds of students for over 30 years at an Islamic school in Los Angeles, California.She is the author of, Discipline without Disrespecting: Discover the Hidden Secrets of How to Effectively Discipline Your Muslim Child--And Keep Your Peace of Mind while at It.  Order her e-book or Subscribe to her free newsletter at --http://shop.grandmajeddah.com/  and  http://www.grandmajeddah.com/subscribe-page.html

Greetings for Ramadan

Assalamu Alaikum Wa Rahmatullah Wa Barakatu,

May Allah The Most High accept all of our good deeds during Ramadan.

Your Sister in Islam,

Grandma Jeddah

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www.grandmajeddah.com

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